


Because sometimes, right is wrong

by marinstan



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Albus and Scorpius friendship, Anal Sex, Blowjobs, Bottom Draco Malfoy, Coming Out, Draco Malfoy Needs a Hug, Explicit Sexual Content, Family, Fluff, Infidelity, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Not Fully Though, Somewhat Epilogue Compliant, Top Harry Potter, handjobs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-02-23 13:36:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23445622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marinstan/pseuds/marinstan
Summary: Fifteen years after the war, eleven-year-old Albus meets Scorpius - two lonely boys suddenly not so lonely at all anymore.While Harry has his difficulties accepting his son's new best friend at first, he quickly realizes that Draco Malfoy has changed quite a bit - and that Harry really, really likes the person he's become.But that person is very much married, so Harry knows he should keep his distance.Unfortunately, Harry has always followed his gut instead of listening to the voice of reason.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Astoria Greengrass, Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, past Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley - Relationship
Comments: 33
Kudos: 207





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A little bit of Fluff with the imperative bits and pieces of Angst.  
> Warnings for mentions of homophobia and especially internalized homophobia - nothing too dark though.  
> I hope you enjoy and all stay safe!

The thing with children is, they own your heart the second they're born.

It must be some natural instinct that has your brain instantly release a rush of those fuzzy love-hormones. When James was born, I was afraid like I had never been before. And I've been afraid before, a couple times, I'd say.

But that was a different kind of fear. It was so powerful, it knocked me off my feet, had my heart racing and my breath catching.

I loved this person with all I had and if anything would ever harm them, I'd lose my will to live.

It was the same with Albus. Maybe a tiny bit better even. The fear was less intense, so that there was a little more room for the joy.

What I'm trying to say is, the love of a parent is unique and special and wonderful. It means that you put your child's needs above your own, always.

Even if said child declares your school-nemesis's son their new best friend.

Albus is eleven years old when he meets Scorpius Malfoy. But he doesn't meet him at Hogwarts, like any normal wizarding kid would.

No, Albus meets Scorpius at a bookstore. Because of course.

My youngest son is the complete opposite of me in many regards. His love for reading is only one of them.

I'm strolling listlessly through the aisles, my gaze wandering over a huge assortment of book covers, when I notice my son talking to another boy. At first glance, I'd think he's younger than Albus. Skinny and tiny with a head of platinum blond hair.

I think I know the moment I see that hair.

„Scorpius! We have to go,“ a very, very familiar voice says.

I see him first.

At thirty-three, Malfoy has changed remarkably little. Of course, his pale skin doesn't quite glow the way it used to and there are faint lines around his mouth and eyes, as well as a hint of scruff on his jaw.

But his hair is still full and blond, his frame lean and elegant.

When he notices me, his gray eyes widen.

„Potter.“

One word.

Two boys look up at me.

„Malfoy. Long time no see.“

The last time was six years ago, at Teddy's nineth birthday. He insisted on meeting his cousin.

I didn't stick around for long. I didn't want Teddy to be influenced by my own dislike for the Malfoys.

„Indeed.“ Malfoy rests his pale, long-fingered hands on his son's shoulder. His golden wedding band catches the light.

I wonder why it's not silver, then wonder why I'm even thinking about that.

„How is Astoria?“ I ask, aware of Albus and Scorpius watching us.

As a dad, you can't just start fights in the middle of a bookstore.

„Very well, thank you. She will be returning from Paris tomorrow.“

„Why was she in Paris?“

Malfoy cards one hand through Scorpius' hair. „To see our families.“

Scorpius blinks at me. His eyes aren't gray like his father's, but a striking blue.

They also seem quite shy.

I don't ask why Malfoy didn't go with his wife. It's none of my business and I don't particularly care either.

„Well, Al and I will be on our way.“

„Dad?“

I look down at my son. He looks exactly like me – minus the eyes. He's got his mother's eyes.

The irony isn't lost on me.

„Yeah?“

„Scorpius wanted to show me his _Lord of the Rings_ collection. Can I go, please?“

My brows shoot up.

„You're a _Lord of the Rings_ fan?“ I ask the blond boy.

He only nods.

I'd have never expected Malfoy to let his kids play with muggle toys. Not even the Weasleys have done that.

Albus tugs on my wrist, embodiment of impatience. „Can I?“

Malfoy's and my eyes meet.

„If that's okay with Scorpius and his dad?“

I make it sound like a question. Malfoy hesitates. I think he's going to say no and I'm already gathering air to let out a breath of relief, when Scorpius looks up at Malfoy.

„ _S'il te plait, papa_?“

I can see Malfoy melting. It's a foreign expression. I've never seen him soft like this.

„Alright. But...“

„Yes, I know.“ Scorpius turns to my son and smiles at him. Malfoy looks back at me.

For a moment, I'm reluctant. Part of me doesn't want Albus to go to Malfoy's house.

But I know I'm always overprotective over my youngest and Ginny keeps telling me I have to stop that, otherwise we'll raise a scared, spoiled brat.

„I'll pick him up at seven?“

Four hours seem plenty enough for a start.

„Works for me,“ Al says, grinning.

Malfoy gives me a curt nod, not quite meeting my eyes. „I will owl you the address.“

The house appears eerily quiet without Albus. He's always here whenever he's not at school. And when he's at school, I'm usually working, so I'm really not used to not having him here.

When Ginny and I broke up five years ago, the plan was that she'd take the kids regularly. But somewhere between uncomfortable dinners and insane schedules, that ideal got lost and now, Albus sees her about once a month.

Sometimes I wonder if we always knew it wasn't going to work. If maybe I always knew. If that was the reason why we never married.

Telling Ginny I'm bisexual wasn't something I've dreaded. I mean, I was nervous, for sure. The Dursleys are, unsurprisingly, very strictly set on their conversative beliefs about sex and love and marriage and later on, with my friends or the Weasleys, the topic hardly ever came up.

But Ginny has always been such an open-minded, loving person, that I didn't really think it would matter.

It did matter though.

I only told her because I felt like she should know about that as my girlfriend, that she even had the right to. But she seemed to think I was telling her because I wanted to experiment.

Which I didn't.

Well, maybe I did. I was only in my early twenties and didn't know what it was like with someone else, let alone a man.

But I would have been okay not to. I just wanted her to know.

We fought about it. Then we fought about our sex life and our children and our house and one morning, when she yelled at me in front of James and Albus about that I forgot to buy eggs, I knew it was over.

Sometimes, you can't fix things. I feel like I had to learn that the hard way.

I also had to learn the hard way that being a single dad of two is not a bloody breeze. James has always been a very loud, energetic kid and his little brother is sneaky like a Slytherin. Together, they sometimes brought me to the verge of tears.

I expected seeing James finally going off to Hogwarts would be an immense relief, but then I found myself missing him like crazy. This is now his third year and I think it's the first time I'm more or less okay with him being gone. I know how much he loves Hogwarts.

Albus knows it too and that doesn't make things easier for him.

Malfoy's house is huge, almost a mansion. I'm not surprised in the least.

„They're upstairs,“ Malfoy greets me.

He is still wearing his posh trousers and a shirt, buttoned up to the collar. That's Malfoy for you – stuck up at all times a day.

„Cool.“ I have my hands shoved into my pockets. Malfoy keeps looking at me.

I know that this is one of his little games of power. _Who's going to ask first?_

I won't let him win this one. If he's so curious, he'll has to open his mouth and say the words. He might know already anyway. It was all over the papers for two or three days before I managed to shut it down.

„Why isn't Albus in Hogwarts, if I may ask?“

Part of me wants to say he can suck my dick, but I don't. If I did, it would seem like I was ashamed.

„He's a squib.“

„Oh. I'm sorry.“ Malfoy didn't know, judging by the look of shock on his face.

Instantly, my heartbeat is kicking. „What are you sorry for? He's awesome.“

A faint blush tinges Malfoy's cheeks pink. „I'm certain he is. I didn't mean to sound disrespectful.“

„You kind of did.“

He swallows, then lifts his chin a little higher. „In that case, I hope you accept my apology.“

It's hard to resist the urge to roll my eyes. I want to shove Malfoy against the counter, just to make him lose this haughty, composed facade.

„Don't piss yourself, Malfoy. I'm not going to hex you.“

A gleam of anger ignites in his pale eyes. „As if you could.“

I hold his gaze. „You'd be surprised.“

For a moment, Malfoy's eyes narrow. Then he lowers his gaze.

„I'm too old for this.“

Now I do roll my eyes. „Yeah, thirty-three is basically ancient.“

Malfoy lifts one of his sharp brows.

„Thirty-three is nearly thirty-five, and thirty-five is basically forty and from then on, youth is spent and our bodies are starting to decay.“

I blink at him in surprise.

„Someone's clearly regretting their life choices,“ I finally say.

He swallows. His throat moves when he does.

He has a nice throat. I got to admit that. It's long and elegant and...

And I won't think about that. Jesus.

I need to get laid.

Another thing that suffers as soon as you have kids. Spontanious sex isn't on the cards if you're single. A night-out has to be planned months in advance.

It can be exhausting.

„Well, I better get Albus.“

„I'll fetch them,“ Malfoy says, but before he can leave, I remember something.

„Wait! You haven't told me yet why Scorpius isn't in Hogwarts.“

Malfoy pauses. One hand slowly rubs over his wrist.

„He is ill, Potter. That is why.“

I feel bad for being so blunt. „I'm sorry.“

„So am I.“

With that, he leaves me alone in the kitchen, feeling just a little too much like a stupid fool.

„Scorpius is really cool,“ Al tells me at dinner and if I'd believe in fate, I'd wonder why it's doing this to me.

But I don't, so I check it off as one very unlucky coincidence.

„I've never met a wizard who knows the stuff I like,“ he goes on and I can sympathize with that.

Ginny and I took a long time thinking about how we'd best deal with Al having no magic.

With his parents and brother all magical, it wasn't really an option to raise him like a muggle if we didn't want to give him up for adoption. That has never been an option for either of us.

In the end, we agreed to send him to muggle schools and try our best to show him muggle culture, so he'll one day be able to have a job and a home in the muggle world.

I still believe that we made the best choice for him, but I know that Albus is lonely. It's difficult for him to connect with the children at his school. There are so many ascpects about his life he can't share with them and he always has to be careful not to let anything slip.

But when it comes to wizards, it's even harder. He hardly ever meets kids his age.

Thinking about it, his only real friend is probably Teddy. And my godson is four years older than Albus and more James's friend than his.

It hurts me to think about my son struggling to find people he can connect with – just play with, even.

That, and only that, is the reason why I do everything I can to encourage the blooming friendship between him and Scorpius.

After two weeks, Scorpius Malfoy and _Lord of the Rings_ is all Al ever talks about.

It's tiring sometimes, but I like hearing him so excited. I simply sometimes tune him out when he's once again getting into too much detail on elves and kings and some weird eye.

The downside to my son's new friend is obvious. I have to interact with Malfoy on almost a daily basis now and the boys are starting to talk about sleepovers and camping trips together.

I think Malfoy and I both agree that this won't be happening anytime soon.

The first time Scorpius visits Albus at our place, Malfoy grabs my wrist. I'm so surprised by the physical contact that I can only gape at him.

„Please, be careful with him,“ Malfoy says.

I've never seen him that sincere. His eyes are open and... pleading.

„I know that Albus is a lovely boy, but I'm not sure he understands that he can't be rough with my son. Scorpius is way more fragile than he seems.“

„Don't worry, Malfoy. I'll keep an eye on them.“

Malfoy releases my wrist and nods.

His worries are unfunded.

Al can sometimes be a tight ball of energy, but he's not like James. One of the things I love most about my youngest is his consideration. I think he knew way before I talked to him about it that Scorpius had to be treated with the utmost care.

All he said when I told him to be gentle with the Malfoy heir was: „I know, Dad. Can I go play now?“

It's not until we're already a month in that I finally get to meet Mrs. Malfoy.

Astoria seems to be out and about a lot and I'm almost shocked when she instead of Malfoy greets me in the entry hall.

„Nice to finally meet you, Mr. Potter,“ she says.

I have to admit, I'm intimidated by her for just a second.

She is gorgeous. With her long blond hair, only slightly darker than Malfoy's, the tall figure and the long legs, she looks like a model. Her blue eyes are as striking as her son's.

Objectively, I have to admit that she's prettier than Malfoy is. But unlike him, she excudes a coldness that would keep me at distance.

„Call me Harry,“ I say.

„Would you like a drink?“

It's a Friday night, so I'm pleased at that offer. „Sure. Thank you.“

I'm not sure what to call her, so I hope I can avoid calling her by any name at all.

„Scorpius seems to like your son a lot,“ she says and I'm uncomfortable under her gaze.

I don't know what she thinks about their friendship.

„Albus likes him, too.“

„I can see that.“ Astoria hands me a crystal glass with red wine and I take it, trying not to leave fingerprints on the delicate glass.

„Scorpius has been quite lonely for the last years,“ she says conversationally, taking a sip from her own glass.

„Albus, too.“

„Yes. It must be hard, raising a squib.“

„Not really,“ I say, even though it is.

She arches one brow. That gesture reminds me of Malfoy and somehow, I hate that she does it, too.

„I didn't intend to offend you. I'm sure Albus is a very bright and talented child. I was merely insinuating that I know how difficult it is for children that can't attend Hogwarts to build friendships.“

I nod, wondering if she's just trying to be polite for Scorpius's sake or if she might actually need to get this off her chest.

„Yeah, that's true. Is Scorpius going to a muggle school?“

Astoria shakes her head. „No. It would be too exhausting for him. We have a private teacher that comes three times a week to help Scorpius with his studies.“

„I see.“

I want to ask what it is exactly that Scorpius suffers from, but no one has yet offered that information, so I decide not to. I know how annoying nosy people are.  
Astoria seems to read my thoughts, because she says: „Draco probably hasn't told you about Scorpius's illness. Don't take that personally. He simply prefers not to think about it at all.“

Something in her tone tells me that she thinks less of Malfoy because of it. I frown just a little.

„My son suffers from a very rare heart desease. It's not curable. Only the symptoms can be treated. He has to avoid physical strain and, if possible, very intense emotions. We're priviliged enough to create a safe environment for him, but he'll still likely die long before his time.“

I swallow. I have no idea how it must be, having to live with the knowledge that you'll most likely outlive your child. Merely thinking about James or Albus dying before I do is my worst nightmare.

„I'm really sorry.“

Astoria doesn't smile. „Thank you for saying that. I've made my peace with it, as far as that's possible. I always tell myself that it could be way worse. A life expectancy of thirty years is, in his case at least, a blessing. Many that are cursed with the same illness barely make it to their teens. So I consider myself lucky.“

This woman is definitely a much wiser person than I am.

And yet I don't think I like her very much.

I have the distinct feeling that it's time to change the topic, so I try to come up with a reasonable question. „How did you and... Draco meet?“

The name feels strange on my tongue, like a spice never tasted before.

I almost want to say it again, just to feel it in my mouth.

She takes a swig from her wine. „The usual. At one of his father's dinner parties. Our parents introduced us and the rest is history.“

„Is it now?“

I flinch and turn my head. Draco is standing in the door, regarding us both with a look I can't decipher.

„It is,“ his wife says.

„How was work?“ she then asks and I realize that I don't know what Draco does for a living.

„The usual. Mrs. Kincaid asked about you once again.“

„You should start making up stories about my interesting life,“ Astoria says and for the first time this evening, I can see her smile.

Draco comes over and kisses her cheek.

I look away.

„I'll get Albus, then,“ Draco says, not quite looking at me either.

„Why the rush, _minou_?“

I don't speak French, so I don't know the petname, but it makes Draco blush, just a little.

„Albus could stay for dinner. You could both stay, actually.“

Astoria looks at me and I deliberately keep my mouth closed so not to look like an idiot.

Draco and I exchange a glance.

„Um... I mean, I have time.“

„So do we.“ Astoria smiles and Draco looks at her with panicked eyes.

„But I don't think we...“

Astoria puts a hand to his cheek and tilts her head.

„It's a brilliant idea. Albus has been such a delight the last weeks. It's time we all get to know each other better. And I'm sure it will make Scorpius happy.“

That's what does the trick in the end. Draco nods, casting his eyes down and Astoria smiles smugly.

I just wish I knew why she's so keen on having me here.

„You drive a car?“

It's the first time this whole evening that Draco addresses me directly. We're already at dessert.

I almost choke on my Mousse au chocolat, but manage to clear my throat without embarrassing myself too much.

„Yeah, I thought it would be fun. I can't very well fly to work and I'm really not a huge fan of floos, so...“

Albus gives me a look.

I bite my lip.

„He did it for me. So he could teach me. Because I'm not allowed to use any of that, you know. Floos or brooms or stuff like that.“

I put a hand on my son's small shoulder, trying not to get angry at our system once again.

„Could you use a broom?“ Scorpius asks, blue eyes attentive. „I mean, without magic, does that work?“

Albus nods proudly. „It does for me. Dad once let me -“

Realizing that it wasn't exactly legal, me lending him my broom and allowing him to fly in our backyard, Albus bites his lip and goes bright red.

Astoria winks at me. „Don't worry, Harry's secret is safe with us.“

Both Draco and I stare at her.

„Thanks,“ Albus mumbles, clearly still embarrassed.

„You can use my old broom, if you want to. I haven't used it in ages,“ Scorpius says.

„You have a broom?“

This time, it's Draco who looks embarrassed.

„I thought kids under eleven aren't allowed to own a broom, Malfoy?“

I grin at him.

Draco glares at me, cheeks pink. „Well, I've heard that flying on one isn't allowed for squibs, either.“

Astoria laughs.

„He's just like you, _Minou_ ,“ she says and pats Draco's hand.

I wish she wouldn't.

Scorpius snickers a little and exchanges a look with his mother.

„Oh, you two have fun,“ Draco says, pouting.

He's pouting. Draco Malfoy is pouting.

I'm not even surprised.

„Why? What is it?“ Albus asks.

„Mom just called him _kitten_ ,“ Scorpius explains, grinning.

„Thank you for the enlightment, Scorpius,“ Draco says.

I laugh loudly. Draco is bright red now.

Scorpius seems to feel a little bad, because he adds: „It's the male form though.“

„What would be the female one?“ Albus asks and once again, I'm marvelling at my son's curiosity.

I'd have never thought to ask that question. I simply don't care.

„ _Minette_ ,“ Astoria says.

She turns to Draco again. „See, I could call you that, too. Be thankful.“

Draco gives her a death glare and I shouldn't find it adorable how he clearly wishes for the ground to open and swallow him whole.

But I do. I really do.

Maybe that's why I take pity on him.

„Nah, that'll be Al's name from now on. Right, Al? _Minette_. Has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?“

Albus' punches my arm. He's getting stronger. It almost hurts now.

„Don't you dare,“ he says, but he's still grinning.

„Maybe I will.“

Now he's sulking, not quite understanding I'm joking.

„If you call me _Minette_ , then I'll call you fairy,“ is the best thing he can come up with.

It becomes very silent around the table.

„That is an insult, Albus. We've talked about this,“ I say calmly.

He seems to remember that now too, because he looks down.

„Yeah,“ he says. Then he looks up again. „But some boys at my school...“

I meet his eyes and I know my gaze can be intimidating.

My son is shrinking before my eyes.

„Some kids are really stupid,“ Scorpius says suddenly and saves us from the awkward tension.

I don't miss the glance Astoria casts me – even though I'm looking at Draco. He's staring at me until our eyes meet. That's when he swiftly averts his eyes.

„Well, I think it's time for bed now,“ Astoria says and gets up.

She doesn't sound upset or angry, but I wonder if she has a problem with my queerness. She is pureblood, afterall.

Al is clearly still upset when we all get up.

„Are you mad at me?“ he asks, looking up at me with his teddy bear eyes.

He's trying to whisper, but of course, everyone can hear him. When he's looking at me like that, I can only smile at him. I ruffle his hair and shake my head.

„Not at all.“

My son smiles at me gratefully and then turns to say Scorpius goodbye.

„Get home safe,“ Astoria says, smiling at me.

„Thank you for dinner,“ I say.

„Anytime.“

Draco gives her a curious look. It seems like he doesn't understand what's gotten into her, either.

I give her a smile. „Well, have a good night.“

„You too.“

Draco only nods at me.

Internally, I sigh. It seems like he can't look at me anymore now.

It irks me. I hate that. I hate people who do that so much.

I want to say something to him about it, but Albus is right next to me, so I can't.

„Here are the potions he has to take. Scorpius knows that, but in case he forgets in his excitment, it would be very nice if you could make sure he takes them tonight.“

Draco isn't looking at me.

„I will,“ I say.

He nods and apparently wants to turn on his heels, basically fleeing my apartment.

The boys are in Al's room, upstairs, out of earshot. So I give in and grab Draco's wrist, making him stop, finally looking at me.

„So you're a homophobe or what?“

There is so much bitterness in my voice, it surprises even me. What do I care what some pureblood idiot thinks of me?

But I do. I do care what Draco thinks of me.

And I care if he's an idiot or not.

Draco swallows audibly. „Excuse me?“

„You heard me.“

„I...“

„You can't even fucking look at me anymore! What do you think, huh? That I'll jump you in front of your son? I'm not fucking attracted to you, Draco, for Merlin's sake. And by the way, I'm not gay, I'm bi. So it makes no sense you're oh so worried with me around you, but not your wife.“

That last bit sounded very sketchy. I flinch.

Draco finally meets my eyes. „I'm sorry if I gave you the impression I'd... judge you for your lifestyle. I don't. It is none of my business who you sleep with.“

I grit my teeth. „Damn right, Malfoy. And it's not a lifestyle, okay?“

He seems almost scared of me now. „Okay.“

„Good. So, you think you can function around me like a normal human being again?“

„Do I ever?“

I stare at him. He stares back.

And then, miraculously, we're both bursting into laughter.

„Touché,“ I say when I can finally form words again.

Draco smiles at me.

He _smiles_ at me.

Then his face grows serious. „I'm truly sorry, Harry. I honestly don't think... It wasn't what you thought it was.“

Curious, I tilt my head. „What was it, then?“

He blushes and turns his head. I can hear the boys chatting upstairs, faint bright voices.

„I'll be on my way.“

And with that, Draco leaves me standing in my kitchen.

Wondering.

I know it's bad when I find myself asking Ron and Hermoine about Draco.

They know it, too.

„Harry, why would I know about Malfoy's past relationships?“ Hermoine looks genuinely confused.

I wish I hadn't asked. „It was stupid. Sorry.“

She frowns, her hand wrapping around her cup of coffee. She always says she likes my coffee better than Ron's.

„Why are you asking?“

I know I'll have to tell her something. Otherwise she'll never let it go. „It's just... I have the feeling he isn't very happy with his marriage.“

„Okay. Why is that?“

I shrug. „I don't know. Astoria and him... they seem more like friends, you know? It's weird. Watching them together.“

The look in Hermoine's eyes makes me nauseous.

„Harry, don't.“

„What?“

„You're not seriously still entertaining this old school crush on Malfoy?“

I spit coffee over my jeans. Literally. There are now brown coffee stains on my jeans and I stare at Hermoine in absolute shock.

„I've never had a crush on Malfoy.“

She gives me her don't-be-an-idiot gaze. „I really think you did.“

I gape at her.

Memories of sixth year are rushing through my head. It forms a picture.

A picture I hate so much, I'll have to destroy it immediately.

I regain my composure and clear my throat. „No, honestly. I mean – yes. I am wondering if he might be queer. But that has nothing to do with me personally.“

Hermoine sighs. „Do you really think this is any of your business? Even if Malfoy were – are you that close now?“

„Not really, but....“

„Then I think you shouldn't stick your nose in another person's marriage if no one asked you to. Maybe they're really unhappy. Maybe they're not. And if they are, then that could have a thousand possible reasons. It's none of your business.“

I stare into my cup. I know she's right. It's just...

„That feeling, Hermoine. It's horrible. You think you're stuck. Forever. And you feel so damn alone.“

Hermoine's features soften. „You worry about him.“

I snort. „No, I don't -“

I have to gather my thoughts. „It's just a feeling of... solidarity. I always sympathize when it comes to these things. I'm not sure you can understand what I mean.“

She looks at me wryly. „I'm a mudblood, Harry. I understand what you mean.“

I'm not sure it's the same, but I decide not to argue.

Hermoine stirs a little more milk into her lukewarm coffee. „If you're truly concerned that Malfoy might be unhappy and doesn't have anyone to talk to, the best thing you can do is making yourself available.“

„What do you mean?“

„Just be around. Maybe drop one or two comments that insinuate you're a good secret keeper. Maybe talk a little about... I don't know, male one-night stands or whatever. Just something that normalizes queerness, you know?“

„That seems very difficult to do in practice, Hermoine.“

„You'll find a way. But don't,“ and now she looks at me pointedly, „don't pry. Don't start interrogating. And don't hit on him. He's still married, you know that.“

„I do, Hermoine. I do.“

Two more weeks pass before I finally get the opportunity to put Hermoine's advise to the test.

I'm not even surprised that it's Astoria who offers it.

Albus is sleeping over at the Malfoys' once again, and for once, Astoria doesn't make plans with friends or family or whatever it is she usually does on the weekends.

Draco seems genuinely worried when she announces she'll be home all evening, all night and all morning.

„Are you alright, darling?“ he asks her and it sets free a very strange, almost nauseous feeling in my stomach whenever he does that. When he looks at her like that.

„Yes, yes. I'm just feeling a little unwell. Nothing serious. But I'd love some peace and quiet.“

She smiles at him, then puts a hand on my shoulder. „Harry, be a dear and take Draco out, will you? I'd love to have the house to myself.“

„But the boys?“ Draco looks at her in confusion.

„Oh, you know how they are. I won't see them until noon tomorrow.“

Her gaze returns to me. „So?“

Astoria is not someone who you say no to if it's not absolutely necessary.

And afterall, this suits me just fine.

„Sure.“ I glance at Draco. „Have a drink with me?“

Draco pales. „Um...“

„Lovely idea,“ Astoria chirps and pushes Draco towards me.

„I'll see you tomorrow then. Don't wake me,“ she says and with that, she disappears into the living room.

Draco stares at me. I crook a smile.

„Shall we then?“

At first, I want to take Draco to a bar, but then I change my mind.

„Are you up for long drinks?“ I ask him.

He doesn't meet my gaze. „Certainly.“

„Great. Then I'll make you some at my place.“

Now he does look at me, horror in his eyes. „Your place?“

„Yeah. Come on, Malfoy.“

I place a hand between his shoulder blades and push him forward, trying not to think about what I'm doing. Luckily, I excell in that discipline.

By now, Draco has been in my house plenty of times – but never alone. There were always the faint voices of our sons, sometimes the drum of footsteps or the soundtrack of some movie.

This time, we're greeted by quiet.

I think I can hear Draco's breathing (it's a little too fast) and try to ease the tension.

„What do you like to drink?“

„I'm not choosy,“ he says, standing in the hallway, stiff and awkward and unsure what to do.

I grin at him. „Liar. Of course you're choosy.“

That makes him smile. Just a little. „Alright. I love Gin, if you have it.“

„Of course you love Gin.“

I smile, genuinely. „Take your shoes off, Draco.“

This man blushes more than is good for him. I can't say I'm complaining though.

While I'm busy mixing two Gin Tonics, Draco approaches me on socked feet. He really is a bit like a cat, the way he always sneaks up on people.

„There you go.“

He takes the drink from me. „Thank you.“

We're standing close enough for me to smell his cologne. It's expensive and masculine, but subtle. Underneath, I catch a small hint of his natural scent. Clean and almost sweet.

I have to swallow.

This might be harder than I thought it would be.

Literally.

„Let's have a seat.“ I lead him to my sofa and try to get a grip.

He's married, I remind myself. „So, Draco. Tell me something about yourself.“

He gives me a sharp look, glass lifted to his lips. „What do you want to know?“

A lot of things he probably won't answer unless he's really drunk. Since he isn't yet, I decide to go easy on him at first. „What do you do for work?“

He relaxes visibly. „I'm a healer, actually.“

„Wow. That's awesome.“ I mean it.

He smiles at me. „I think so, too. What about you?“

„I'm a teacher, part time. I give courses for aspiring Aurors. Sometimes I do a little bit of flying lessons on the side. But mostly DADA.“

„That's awesome as well.“

I shrug. „It's nice, yeah. I mostly picked it though because I needed to do something that allowed me to be there for Albus. And James, when he's here for the summer.“

Draco takes a sip from his drink. His legs are tucked under his body. „What happened with Weasley?“

„Ginny?“

„Yes.“

I think he might have wanted to ask this question for a long time, but never dared to.

„We split up almost six years ago now.“

„May I ask why?“

I shrug and take a swig. „Several reasons. I couldn't deal with that she was never home for the kids. Always busy playing Quidditch. She couldn't deal with me being bi. Or so I thought. Turns out, she actually had some issues regarding her own sexuality.“

Draco blinks. „How do you mean?“

I crook a grin.

„Well, she's dating Luna now. Not sure what she identifies as, but I wouldn't be all that surprised if she actually preferred girls.“

Draco searches my face, apparently not sure if I might be taking the piss.

„If you have no comparison, it's kinda hard to tell,“ I explain.

„You mean...?“

„Sex, yeah. I haven't really slept with anyone else before her. So it never occured to me that we weren't that great at it.“

Suddenly a little embarrassed, I finish my drink and get up.

„I'm making another one.“

When Draco speaks, I barely hear him.

„Astoria and I are having bad sex, too.“

I almost drop the bottle of Gin.

„Sorry to hear that,“ is what I say.

I return to the sofa and Draco quickly empties his glass before taking the new one.

He's a little red.

„I mean, is it because of the time? Many couples seem to have problems with, you know. Keeping things interesting.“

Draco traces the rim of his glass with the tip of his index. „I don't think so.“

I wait for him to go on. „I used to think we were fine. When we stopped having – you know, I eventually asked her why. And she straight up told me that it's bad.“

He takes another swig.

„I don't know why I'm telling you that,“ he says.

I shrug and try to be as calm and comforting as possible. „It helps to talk about it. It's frustrating when things don't go as well as we hoped it would.“

Draco glances at me, then away.

I never noticed it in Hogwarts, but the Slytherin is shy.

He's actually really shy and apparently kind of a prude.

 _Sweet_. That's what my traitorous mind provides.

„You could work on it, you know,“ I say.

„I'm not sure.“ He looks at me. „Did that work out with you and Ginny?“

I grimace.

„Well, no. But... we weren't really in the right place. We were both questioning our sexuality and – well, having kids at twenty is not something I'd advise anyone to do. I think if we'd have waited, we would never have had kids in the first place. Together, I mean. It would have become clear that we weren't a good match.“

„I understand.“

I study his face. „Do you love Astoria?“

Draco meets my eyes.

I allow my gaze to wander over his face. A rather pointy chin and a sharp jawline, paired with what has to be the cutest nose I've ever seen.

He's pretty. He really is pretty.

„I do love her. I'm just not sure...“

He trails off.

„You're not sure you're attracted to her.“

He nods, a barely there movement.

My heart aches. I don't know why. „Draco...“

I can see him swallow. Electricity is running up and down my arms.

I want to touch him.

Slowly, I reach out. My fingers are grazing his chin.

His breath hitches and I know. I think I've known for quite a while.

I lean in, eyes on his, my lips parting.

I can taste his breath when he turns his head away.

„Don't.“ His voice sounds broken.

Swallowing my disappointment is not easy. „You sure you don't want me to?“

Somehow, my hand is now skimming the back of his hand. I want to pull him close.

„I'm straight,“ he says and I almost laugh.

„I really don't think you are, Draco.“

The pain on his features has the laughter dying in my throat.

„I should go,“ he says, but doesn't move.

„Is it that bad?“ I ask, quietly.

He looks at me. „Is what that bad?“

„Are you that ashamed?“

Draco lets out a small noise, something full of awe and hurt and defeat. A knife slices through my chest.

He closes his eyes.

„My parents.“

Two words. A whole world.

„They wouldn't have to know.“

It's not what I want to say.

But I know that Draco is likely right – at least Lucius Malfoy strikes me as a man that would never accept it if his son was queer.

„I don't think I could keep it from them.“

Carefully, I thread my fingers through his.

There is a crease between his brows, as if he was in pain. „I wanted to do the right thing. For once in my life.“

I'm not sure I can follow him.

„You're talking about marrying Astoria?“

He nods. „It was the right thing to do. And I... I don't want to cheat on her. It's not who I want to be.“

„Draco, I don't think it was right to marry her. Not for you, at least.“

His fingers are twitching in mine. I hold on a little tighter.

„I'm scared,“ he whispers.

„I know.“ My own voice is thick.

I know it's scary. It has been even for me, and it must be so much worse for him.

„I'd lose everything,“ he says.

Very carefully, I lift my other hand and tuck a loose strand of his bangs behind his ear. I let my hand linger when I say: „But you'd also gain so much.“

His breath stops for a moment.

„Have you ever?“ I ask him.

„What?“ His voice is so broken. It goes straight through my soul.

„Kissed a man.“

He closes his eyes. Then shakes his head.

„Jesus, Draco. Do you want to die without ever having been properly kissed?“

His eyes fly open again. He's searching my face.

I'm looking at his lips. They're perfect. Rather thin, a little chapped, pale. Perfect.

„Please,“ he says and I moan, just a little, before leaning in.

I planned to kiss Draco so good he'd forget his own name, but when our lips slant together, I'm the one forgetting my name.

Maybe it's because it's been many weeks. Maybe it's because I have a perverted kink for virgins.

Or maybe it's just because it is Draco I'm kissing.

Whatever the reason, I'm burning up.

He makes a noise deep in his throat and suddenly, he's all over me. Our tongues are dancing and I pull him into my lap. He's hard and so am I and at the touch of our hips, we both moan. I press his body close to mine and he has an iron grip in my hair, the other hand on my jaw.

Only when I'm afraid I might come into my pants any moment, I pull back enough to speak.

Draco looks like an angel, red lips and bright eyes, messed up hair.

He is so gone, I almost can't help myself. I want to throw him over my shoulder and toss him on my bed and make him scream my name.

„And? Worth it?“

Draco makes the sound of something that's dying and I grin widely. He turns his head away, embarrassed. I pull him a little closer, even though there wasn't really any space between us to begin with, and press a chaste kiss to his lips.

„I thought it was pretty awesome, too.“

I trace the shape of his mouth with my finger.

„Your mouth is so pretty,“ I tell him, reverently.

He leans his forehead against mine.

„I hate you,“ he says softly.

„Hm. Sure you do.“

„No, I really do. I'll never be able to look at you again without thinking about this.“

„Me neither.“

He pulls back a little and runs one hand through his hair.

„This can never happen again,“ he says.

I put a hand to his cheek. He leans into it, as if he couldn't help himself.

„At least stay a little longer.“  
A

t first, he wants to say no. I can see it. But then, another thought seems to cross his mind.

„Alright. One night.“

A nervousness that wasn't there before is seeping out of him now. He kisses me again. Still eager, but unsure now.

„Can we...?“ he whispers in my ear.

I groan before I can stop myself and my hands grip his hips.

When I pull back though, I'm met with wary eyes.

„Can we what, Draco?“

He can't say it.

He can't even say it.

„Okay, that's what I thought.“

He looks at me in alarm.

„What do you mean?“

I kiss him one more time, savoring his taste. „We're not going to have sex if you can't even ask me for it.“

„I...“

„I'm not saying that to be mean,“ I hastily clarify.

But it's not enough, because Draco climbs from my lap and then scoots to the other end of the sofa.

„Draco.“

He's not looking at me.

„It's fine if you don't want to. I'm aware that I can't very well compete with your usual... lovers. No hard feelings. I don't expect you to – to pity-fuck me.“

My brows shoot up. „Woah.“

Draco gets up. „I should go.“

I get up too and block his way with my body. „Hold up.“

He crosses his arms and in that moment, I really get where Astoria's petname is coming from.

He looks so cute like this.

Something in my chest aches again.

„It's not like I don't want to. I thought that much was obvious.“

He peers at me, apparently not following.

I nod down at the tent in my jeans and Draco blushes as his gaze wanders lower – but he doesn't look away.

Heat is spreading over my face, in my body, under his stare.

„I just don't feel like you're ready yet.“

Now he looks up. Annoyane is clear in his eyes.

„Do you, Potter? And you must now that better than I – why exactly?“

I take his hand and feel stupidly clumsy.

„I just remember how it was for me. My first dates with guys were super awkward, because... well, I was already twenty-five and everyone expected me to have plenty of experience. But I hadn't and more than once, I had to fight off unwanted advances. I think I did some things too soon. Just because I was curious and at first, I felt like... this was the only chance I'd ever get. So I'd do things I wasn't ready for and some of my first times – most, actually – were pretty bad.“

I look at him. His gray eyes are on mine.

„I want yours to be better. Is all.“

I shrug and now I have to look away.

After a moment, Draco says: „That is very... considerate of you. Thank you.“

I smile and kiss him again.

„Will you stay a little longer anyway?“ I whisper against his lips.

I can feel his own smile as his lips curve.

„If you want me to.“


	2. Chapter 2

„You seem different,“ Albus tells me at the breakfast table.

I almost drop my spoon into my cereal. „What do you mean, different?“

He seems to think about it for a moment.

„Happier,“ he finally settles on.

„Isn't that a good thing?“ I'm not quite looking at him. If he knew why I seem happier, he might hate me.

„It is. Just unusual.“

Thankfully, eleven-year-olds don't tend to dwell on things for too long. A minute later, he's asking me: „Do I get to sleep at Scorpius' house today?“

I try so hard to look indifferent. „Yeah, sure.“

It's not like I have counted the days until the next sleepover.

Since that fateful night at my house with Draco, we haven't really been alone. I mean, not alone-alone. The kids had always been just upstairs and so all we dared to do was sneak some kisses.

I wasn't surprised that Draco caved only two days after the first time. He seems to want this as much as I do – maybe even a little more desperately.

I remember the feeling. You think you have no time left, you're already way too late and now you have to seize every opportunity, grab it with both hands and sink your teeth into it. Otherwise you might die without ever knowing what it feels like to come into another man's mouth, or taste a guy's come, or, or, or.  
After checking all the stuff gay men think they're required to do at least once, I don't feel that rushed anymore.

But that doesn't mean I could keep my hands off Draco. Quite the opposite, actually. Every single time I got him alone, we were all over each other. Heated glances and brief touches.

I come from just thinking about him.

Draco moans into my mouth as I'm pressed up against my door. His fingers are running over my body, too impatient and eager to settle for one place.

„I missed you,“ I say against his lips and he makes another one of those small noises that come from deep in his throat. Sweet and sinful.

I spin us around so that it's me now who's pressing him against the door. He pushes up against me and I can feel he's hard. My hands are running down his side, then giving his ass a squeeze. He arches his back, mouth feverish hot.

„So eager.“

Draco bites my lip.

„I thought about you the whole day,“ he admits and it sends shivers of want through my body.

„Me too.“

I walk him to the sofa, where we collapse in a tangle of limbs. Draco tugs at my shirt and I help him to pull it off.

For the first time, he pauses. His eyes are wandering over my body, his hands following.

I hold still and let him explore.

He presses kisses into the crook of my neck.

„I'd be ready for some firsts,“ he whispers.

„Good. Because I've been thinking about your firsts for days. Weeks.“

I think he's smiling.

Together, we remove his shirt, too. He doesn't really give me the time for a good look, but his skin feels smooth. His nipples are tiny and there are the old scars, criss-crossing over his chest.

My throat tightens.

„I'm sorry,“ I say. „I should have never -“

„It doesn't matter.“

Draco pulls me down again, into another searing kiss and shuts me up quite effectively.

„What were you thinking of for tonight?“ I ask him, my hands carressing his sides, making him shiver.

„You tell me.“

I'm not sure if it's just his inexperience or if Draco prefers to give control over to his partner. But I know that when I first did this, I was thankful for every piece of guidance I was offered.

„I'd really like to suck you off,“ I say into his ear.

There are many other things I'd like to do as well, maybe even a little more, but I thought this might be the best way to start.

And I really would like to taste him.

A moan escapes his throat and I can feel his body trembling under me.

„I'll take that as a yes,“ I say, grinning, and start kissing my way down his body.

I'm just past the bow of his rib cage when he pulls at my head.

I blink up at him.

„I... I want to do it to you,“ he says, bright red, but very determined.

I grin widely and press a quick kiss to his belly. „Oh, I want you to do it to me, too, believe me. But let me go first.“

He hesitates.

I run a calming hand over his hip. „There's no rush, love. We have all night.“

He exhales and lets go of my head. „Alright.“

I take my time kissing and licking over his navel, following his happy trail to the waistband of his trousers. By then, Draco is shivering and I'm not sure if it's just excitment.

When I open his trousers, his breath catches. He's nervous.

„Don't be scared,“ I murmur against his skin. „You'll love it. I promise.“

„I know,“ he says, but the tension remains.

I prop myself up on my elbows so I can look at him. „There's no need to be ashamed.“

He swallows thickly, looking at me with those gorgeous eyes of his.

I give him a cheeky grin. „I'm positive that no one would say no to a blow job from the Savior.“

I don't like calling myself that, but it makes Draco laugh and finally, some of the tension in his body fades away.

He lifts his hips so that I can pull his trousers down to midthigh. I mouth at the stretched fabric of his pants and find that I really, really want to do this.

I'm usually not a big fan of giving blow jobs. It's a lot of work and a little uncomfortable and the taste isn't that great. But to my own surprise, I'm very eager this time.

I hook my fingers under the waistband of Draco's pants and slowly pull them down. He stops breathing and glances down at me. I have to swallow. Draco is fucking perfect. In my eyes, at least. He's not too big and not too small and just right.

I glance up at the blond.

I know that many men, especially gay ones, worry about size. Draco seems to be one of them.

„Breathe, Draco,“ I say, grinning at him.

He does, sounding wrecked already.

I press a kiss to the top of him and he keens, before pressing his forearm over his mouth. I reach up to pull it away.

„No reason to by shy.“

Not to torture him anymore, I sink down, wrapping my hand around the base.

As I said, I'm not an expert when it comes to blow jobs. I rarely deep throat, because my gag reflex is pretty strong and the whole ordeal usually feels like a chore to me.

Listening to Draco's moans though makes it everything but that. I find myself closing my eyes, swirling my tongue just so, hoping to elicit another one of those sweet moans.

Despite my lack of deep throating, Draco is arching his back in no time, muscles tensing.

„Harry, I -“

Usually, I don't swallow. I don't want to embarrass myself by coughing or grimacing and I really don't like the feeling. But right now, nothing seems hotter than having Draco coming in my mouth. So I just suck a little harder, breathing through my nose...

„Harry,“ he shouts and my mouth fills with cum.

Okay, I still don't like the taste.

But I like the way Draco is shivering, how his body slowly relaxes. I look up at him and lick my lips. The face he makes is priceless.

Not very elegantly, I crawl up his body, lying next to him. I prop my head on my hand and run my free one through his hair.

„Merlin,“ he says, voice weak.

I hum, pretty pleased with myself. He leans up, going in for a kiss.

„I won't taste very good right now,“ I warn him.

I quickly learned that many men prefer not to kiss right after one went down on the other.

„I don't care.“

Draco puts a hand behind my neck and pulls me down.

The kiss is sweet, even though it tastes bitter. It doesn't seem to bother Draco. If anything, it turns him on. I have to smile at that.

„Have you done this often?“ he asks, his hands wandering over my face.

I hold very still. I don't want him to draw away. No one has ever wanted to touch my face this much.

„Not very often. A couple times.“

„How many?“

He's now following the bow of my brows with his fingers.

„Hm. Maybe six times?“

„Oh.“

„Oh?“

„That's not that bad.“

„Did you hope it would be more?“

„I hoped it might be less. But I feared it would be more.“

My heart aches again and I lean down, kissing him.

„Is it my turn now?“

Our noses brush. Up close like this, I find him even prettier.

„Only if you want to.“

„I do.“

„Okay.“

We both sit and he seems to take that as a cue to slide down, kneeling between my spread knees.

My heart is hammering, but I think his is racing even faster.

I wind one hand into his hair, holding his head gently. He opens my jeans and we slide them down, the pants coming off right with them. I try not to get nervous or insecure as he's looking at me.

„Good enough for your high standards?“ I ask, voice thicker than I wanted it to sound.

„Satisfactory,“ he says and I laugh a little, breathless already.

When his tongue first flicks over the head, testing the waters, I grip the edge of the sofa.

„Fuck.“

Encouraged by my reaction, Draco dives right in.

He's a quick study, most definitely.

And he looks so good doing it. It takes me a lot of willpower to keep my hips still.

„Fuck, Draco. Jesus.“

He looks up at me and takes me deeper. How the hell is he already so good at this?

When I feel my orgasm build, I try to pull him off, but he's too stubborn.

I come with his name on my lips and he doesn't know how to breathe yet, how to properly swallow (it's not easy, believe me) and has to pull off, coughing and gasping. I pet his hair with a slightly shaky hand.

„Sorry, love.“

He wipes his mouth before sitting next to me. „All good.“ His eyes are searching my face. „Was that... okay?“

I roll my eyes, then kiss him hard.

„That was fucking brilliant,“ I say and he beams. „But please don't ask me that again. I hate when people do that.“

He nods and I wrap my arms around him.

I'm not surprised not to hear from Draco the next day.

I spend a relaxed Sunday with Albus and Ginny, who finally has a day off, treating us to some delicious burgers in muggle London.  
I'm also not surprised to not hear from the Slytherin on Monday. We're both working and Al comes home from school in the worst mood. It takes me two hours and one of my special sundaes to cheer him up.

But when it's Astoria and not Draco who Scorpius is accompanied by on Tuesday, I'm starting to get a bad feeling.

„What do you think about this weekend?“ I ask her, Albus already dragging Scorpius up to his room.

Astoria straightens her shoulders.

„I'm afraid Albus can't come over. Draco's parents will pay us a visit and as far as I know, they're not your biggest fans, aren't they?“

That is an understatement, but I just nod.

„Sure. But Scorpius could sleep at my house, if the boys would like to. I don't mind.“

I won't get to see Draco, but that doesn't mean my son has to miss out on his friend as well. Astoria regards me with her bright eyes, then says: „I'll talk to Draco about it.“

Before I can ask what there is to talk about, she continues: „We usually don't allow Scorpius any sleepovers. It might be too stressful.“

„But he's slept here before?“

„Yes, but... he had an episode a few days ago. It might not be the best time.“

„Oh. Yeah, sure. Whatever you think is best.“

Astoria gives me one of her rare smiles. „I'll talk to Draco.“

With that, she's gone.

On Friday, it becomes clear that Draco is ignoring me and I try not to freak out about it.

I'm not doing a very good job.

Albus is watching TV, munching on a bowl of popcorn, and I try to go over some papers I have to correct, but it's impossible to concentrate.

Is it my fault? Was I being pushy?

I know that Draco feels guilty for cheating. Which is a normal, human reaction. It's not like I would like how things are.

But if I'm really honest, I don't care that much about how Astoria might be feeling about this.

Maybe that's because I have the distinct feeling that she wouldn't care much if she knew. Afterall, she seems way too smart not to know about Draco. She's probably known for a while.

I rub my face with both hands.

I wish I knew if Draco is mad at me. Or if maybe, he decided that I'm not the right one to be doing this with.

I couldn't even blame him for that. His son's best friend's dad really isn't the smartest choice if you're looking for someone to introduce you to all the sinfully sweet ways to be gay.

But I don't think Draco knows anyone else.

Okay, well. Who am I fooling? Looking like Draco does, I'm sure he could walk into any gay bar and have ten potential partners after five minutes.  
I shouldn't care so much. I shouldn't cringe at the thought of strange men's hands on Draco. There shouldn't be a snake of white hot anger curling in my belly thinking about Draco sucking off someone else.

I squeeze my eyes shut.

I'm just protective. Draco is so new to all of this and way too green to understand how most gay men approach sex and intimacy. I'm simply scared someone might take advantage of him. That's all it is. I don't want Draco's first queer experiences to be bad.

And there just is no one better than me to show him how good it can be.

„Al?“

My son doesn't even look at me, eyes glued to the TV. Maybe I should be a little stricter when it comes to screentime.

„Hm.“

„Is Scorpius coming over on the weekend?“

„Yeah.“

I look at the back of his head for another moment and wonder if I should turn off the TV.

But then again, I have exams to correct. With a sigh, I decide to be a bad parent and a good teacher for tonight and reach for my bottle of beer.

I'm already half-asleep when my son storms into my bedroom and jumps on my bed. „Jesus, Al.“

„Dad, you have to come! Something's up with Scorp. He's not feeling well...“

„What?“ I try to blink my eyes open, Albus grabbing my hand and trying to pull me out of bed.

„Dad, come! He's not well.“

Groping for my glasses, I fall out of bed and then race down the hallway to Al's bedroom.

Scorpius is sitting upright in his bed, shaking all over. Perspiration makes his pale face shine.

„Scorpius?“

His teeth are clattering. He's pressing one hand to his stomach.

I put one hand on his shoulder, feeling his little body trembling. „Hey, Scorpius. What is it? Do you need a healer?“

The boy shakes his head – then doubles over and throws up all over me. I breathe through my mouth and pat his back.

„Albus, bring me my wand. It's on my nightstand.“

Al sprints back to my bedroom and I pet Scorpius head. He's vomiting again and I try to assess what it is exactly that's wrong.

I put a hand to his forehead. I don't think he has a fever, but I'm not a doctor, so who knows?

My heart is pounding hard.

„Here!“

Albus almost crashes into me. I take my wand and send a patronus to Draco.

I don't think that it takes longer than five minutes until Scorpius' parents are storming through the bedroom door.

I'm cradling the kid in my arm, trying (and probably failing) not to smear vomit all over him.

„Scorpius!“ Draco is there first and almost yanks his son out of my arms. Astoria is next to him in a heartbeat and they're both scanning Scorpius with their eyes.

The boy curls his fist in Draco's shirt.

„It's okay,“ he rasps with his high voice. „Just feeling sick.“

Draco holds him tight and says: „It's okay, _mon chou_. It's okay.“

Astoria strokes her son's head and I feel a little stupid, sitting there with vomit all over my body, shirtless and clearly just fallen out of bed.

„Do you need anything?“ I ask.

„Some water would be nice,“ Astoria says and I summon a glass.

Then I use a cleaning charm on myself. It can't fully dissolve the smell and I'll definitely have to take a shower, but it's a start.

„He'll be okay,“ Astoria says, still petting Scorpius's head.

Draco nods, gaze still on Scorpius. The kid's eyelids are fluttering.

„Sorry,“ he mumbles.

„Don't be silly,“ Draco says.

„I ruined your clothes.“

Draco looks down on himself, apparently only now noticing the disastrous state of his clearly expensive suit. „I'll clean them later. No damage done.“

For the first time, he looks up. Not at me though, but at his wife.

It shouldn't hurt the way it does.

„I should go home. My parents...“

„I'll go. You take your time with Scorpius. I'll try telling them to go home.“

Draco nods and for a moment, he looks so tired, I just want to hug him. Pull him close and let him sleep in my bed.

„Thank you. I'll see you at home.“

Astoria nods and gets up.

„Thank you, Harry,“ she says and I can only nod dumbly, then she's already gone.

Albus is pressing his shoulder against my upper arm. I almost forgot he's even here. „Dad?“ My son looks at me with huge eyes. He's clearly scared to death. „Will he die?“

„No, Al. He'll be okay.“ I wrap one arm around his shoulder and squeeze.

Draco looks at him. „It's not as bad as it looks. This happens sometimes.“

„Did I do something?“ Albus asks, wearily. „We had chocolate after dinner. Even though Dad said we're not allowed.“

I cast my son a glance. „Albus.“

But Draco just smiles at him. I think Scorpius fell asleep in his arms.

„No, darling. It wasn't your fault. There is no reason. Sometimes he just sickens up.“

A sharp pain shoots through my chest at hearing Draco calling my son „darling“.

„Can I help you with something?“ I ask.

I'm just so desperate for Draco to look at me.

When he finally does, I stop breathing for a moment.

„If it's not too inconvenient, I'd like to stay until Astoria sends a patronus. It would be better if my parents weren't still home when I bring Scorpius. Especially my mother doesn't handle his episodes well. She gets very scared.“

I nod before he's even done talking. „Yeah. Sure.“ I look around. „I can get fresh sheets for Al's bed. You could sleep in the guest room.“

„I don't think that's necessary,“ Draco says, looking at his son again.

„Okay.“

Albus is looking at Scorpius, too, clearly troubled. I rub his back, trying to soothe him.

„It's okay, kiddo.“

My son rests his head on my shoulder and lets me hold him. I savour every minute, because I don't get to do that very often anymore. James never lets me hold him anymore. But he's never really been much of a cuddler. He's a mama's boy anyway.

We don't have to wait for too long.

„They're staying the night,“ Astoria's silver lynx lets us know.

Draco sighs deeply. He looks so tired.

„In that case, I'll take your guest room,“ he says, looking at me apologetically.

I give him a smile. „No problem at all.“

I don't sleep very much that night and the sleep that I do get is fitful and restless. I'm up at six in the morning, slinking through the house and making coffee.

I've always liked the quiet of the early mornings and late nights. It's a kind of peace that you rarely experience during the day.

„Good morning,“ a somewhat hoarse voice interrupts my musings.

„Morning.“ It comes out as kind of a croak. Draco is wearing my sweatpants and one of my T-shirts. He looks so good in them, I almost start drooling.

Hesitantly, he sits down on a chair next to me. „Scorpius is still sleeping.“

Draco has slept in the same bed as him, too scared to leave him alone.

„How is he?“

„I think he's fine.“

„I'm glad. Would you like some coffee?“

The blond nods and my heart is hammering and aching in my chest. He follows me to the coffee machine and I pick out my favorite cup for him.

„How was dinner with your parents?“ I ask him as he lifts the cup to his lips.

He lets it sink again. Swallows. „Horrible.“

„I'm sorry.“ I mean it.

Carefully, I put a hand to his elbow. My thumb is stroking over the bone and it's wrong how my body is singing at this simple touch.

Draco closes his eyes. „Please don't.“

His voice is nothing more than a whisper. I don't pull my hand away.

„What are they doing to you?“ I mean his parents.

„Nothing. They just make sure I know I'm the embodiment of failure anytime they lay eyes on me.“

I pull him into my arms and for a moment, he goes rigid. But then he exhales and his arms wrap around my waist, his face buried in the crook of my neck.

I stroke his back.

„This is wrong,“ Draco says.

„It's not.“

„I'm _married_ , Harry.“

„Unhappily so.“ I press a kiss to his hairline and I think he sighs.

„It hurts me to see you so sad,“ I whisper and his arms tighten around me.

„I can't.“

I pull away a little so that I can look into his face. „You can't what?“

„Do this. With you. I don't want to cheat. I want to be... good.“

My heart is way too big for my chest right now.

„You are good, Draco. You're one of the best people I know. Let me just... let me just make you happy. Please. You deserve it.“

Draco's lips part and he looks at me in something I can only describe as wonder.

When he rests his head against my shoulder again, I hold him until we can hear the quiet footsteps of two boys coming down the stairs.

„And people really do that?“

Draco has his legs hugged to his chest, sitting on the opposite end of the sofa.

I didn't expect the evening to go like this. Not at all.

It's the third time we're seeing each other alone since our talk.

The last times were heavenly. He fell through the door into my arms and we kissed and touched on my bed until we were too exhausted to even just lift our legs.  
I didn't really think my suggestion for today would evoke anything other than giddy excitement in Draco.

But clearly, I was wrong.

„Yeah, of course. It's really good.“

„I thought people would only do that to – well. For preparation purposes.“ He blushes just a little.

Sometimes, I'm really surprised by how tongue-tied he gets when it comes to these things. I mean, I understand that all the gay stuff is new, but it's not like he's a virgin. He has a son, afterall. And when it comes down to it, straight and gay sex aren't that different. It never felt that way to me.

„I mean, yeah, fingering is part of preparing for anal sex, but it's also pretty sexy on its own.“

„And why would that be? It just sounds... gross.“

Now I'm frowning, too. „Why would it be gross?“

Draco squirms. „I don't know, it just...“

I get up and pace the room. Now Draco seems worried.

„I didn't mean to offend you.“

„Well, you kinda did.“

I halt, looking at Draco.

„Look,“ I say, softly now. „It's okay not to want to bottom or anything. Honestly. I'm not the biggest fan of it either. But you can't go around saying taking it up the ass is gross. That's offensive and also not true.“

„I understand that. I'm sorry.“ Draco stands now and takes my hands in his. „I'm really sorry.“

I give him a kiss.

„It's fine.“

„This is just all... it's very new to me. Foreign.“

„I get that. Just...“

Gray eyes search mine. „Just?“

„Have you honestly never thought about it?“

Now Draco can't hold my gaze anymore. He wants to pull his hands away, but I don't let him.

„Draco?“

He swallows. „I have thought about it.“

He makes it sound like a horrible confession.

„Okay.“

„I've thought about it a lot, actually.“

His voice is still so quiet. Defeated, almost.

„I just... never thought I'd actually do it someday. It almost felt like – it was okay to think about it as long as I knew I'd never act on it. In the sense of, well, everyone has some dirty fantasies. That doesn't mean you'd actually go and do it.“

I lift one hand and cradle Draco's chin. „Sex between two men isn't dirty, Draco. At least not any more than straight sex. It's whatever you want it to be.“

He swallows, finally meeting my eyes.

„It wouldn't be dirty between us,“ I say.

I can feel his breath on my lips and give him a smirk. „Unless you wanted it to be, of course.“

Now he's kissing me and then I'm walked back to the sofa and Draco straddles my lap.

I'm perfectly content with making out and maybe giving him a hand job, but apparently, Draco isn't done talking.

„You've done it before?“ he asks me.

„What exactly?“ He bites his lip. I shouldn't find it so sexy. „Bottoming.“

His tone makes it clear that he is dead serious and not in the mood for flirting and dirty talk right now, so I just say: „Yeah, I have. Twice.“

„Do you like it?“

I trace lazy circles on his sides. „I do like it, but I think I prefer to top. It depends though.“

Draco looks away again and I think I understand why he's asking now.

I brush his nose with mine. „It can be really awesome. A lot of guys I know love it. Even some straight ones.“

Draco's eyes widen. „For real?“

I laugh. „Yeah. Never heard of pegging before?“

When I explain to him what it is, Draco says: „That's not real. People don't do that.“

„They do. And they enjoy it, too.“

Draco blinks at me. „I know nothing about sex.“

That makes me laugh even louder.

„Don't worry, I've made it my mission to change that.“

I give him a sweet kiss.

Draco loosly wraps his arms around me.

„And by the way, I would bottom for you. If you'd ever want me to,“ I tell him.

I don't tell him how much I'd love to fuck him. I don't want to scare him away. And, afterall, it's not like that would be something I need. I'd be fine either way, I'm sure.

Draco's fingers stroke over my face, mapping my features. „You're special.“

„Because I'd let you fuck me? I wish, but you could find countless guys that would be happy to.“

„I don't want anyone else.“

My chest tightens almost painfully.

„Good,“ I say, my voice low. „Because I don't think I'd let anyone else have you.“

No one is fingering anyone that night. We just kiss on the sofa and then move to the bed, where I ask Draco if he'd strip for me. He does and I almost come from watching him.

„You're so beautiful,“ I tell him and he shivers.

„No one's ever said that to me,“ he says quietly.

It's one of those ridiculous stigmas that guys wouldn't want to hear compliments like that. The only compliments girls usually give me are either about my dick size or about my stamina. A _You're Hot_ is usually the best guys get.

„I wish you could stay,“ I say when we're both sleepy and satisfied, naked in my bed.

„Me too,“ Draco says and now he seems sad again.

I try to kiss it away, but it's not quite enough.

The next weeks are pretty horrible, because I rarely get to see Draco.

Albus has to study for exams and Scorpius isn't feeling that well. James will be home for his break in less than a month now and I hate myself for thinking that that means Draco and I will have even less opportunities to meet in private.

When I'm over at the Malfoys' and Scorpius is dragging my son upstairs, already babbling, Draco pulls me into the bathroom and locks the door.

„Draco, the boys...“

„We'll be quick.“ He looks at me, gray eyes open and full of pain. „I've missed you so much.“

I let out a broken noise and then we're all over each other, desperate, biting kisses.

„I need you,“ I pant into his ear and I can feel him get even harder.

I'm biting down on my fist when he starts sucking me off, fast and oh so good.

I can't keep from thrusting into his mouth as my climax surges through me. Draco takes it all and when I pull him to his feet, I'm a complete mess.

I run my thumb over his red bottom lip. „Fuck, look at you.“

He looks like an angel fallen from grace.

I slide a leg between his and pull him against it. Droplets of sweat are running down his temples as he starts rutting against me. I have to press my hand over his mouth to stifle his moans. He's humping my fucking leg and it's the sexiest thing I've ever seen.

He comes on a muffled cry and lets his head drop to my shoulder.

I bury my face in the crook of his neck.

Cleaning up is a little awkward, but the feeling is almost completely drowning in the hurt cursing through my body.

Whatever I've been trying to tell myself, this isn't casual to me.

I miss Draco already and he's in the same room as I am. Before he can open the door, I spin him around for one last kiss. Against his lips, I whisper:

„If I could, I'd make love to you all day.“

Draco stares at me and I think I can see something break in his face.

„You're my demise, Harry Potter.“

He kisses me hard, then opens the door.

I follow him, still too close, hands reaching for his hips. Wanting to pull him against my body for one last time. When Draco stops dead in his tracks, I almost run into him.

Confused I look up – and see Astoria, two shopping bags in her hands.

„Hi, I... didn't expect you so early,“ Draco says.

Astoria looks between the two of us. „I needed to do some shopping, so I took the afternoon off.“ She turns to me. „Are you staying for dinner, Harry?“

She just saw us coming out of the bathroom together.

I swallow. „No, I got to get home. But thanks.“

Astoria gives me a smile as if everything would be perfectly alright. „Well then. Have a good evening.“

And with that, she leaves us standing there, heading to the kitchen.

Draco and I stare at each other.

Raw panic is written all over Draco's features.

For three long weeks, I only see Draco when he picks up Scorpius or I'm at his for Albus.

James comes home and we have a small party at the Burrow, celebrating the begin of summer. My oldest has grown considerably. I'm starting to think he might be taller than I am some day.

When Draco comes to visit us, James and Albus are both in the living room (a rare occasion), fighting over who gets to choose the show they're watching.

„Give it to me, asshole,“ Albus is crying when I open the door and almost suffer a stroke met with the sight of Draco.

„Back off, shithead.“

Draco crooks a smile. „Your son is home, I take it?“

I can only stare at him. „Yeah. James came back last week.“

„That's nice.“

We stare at each other.

„Can I come in?“

„Oh, yeah. Sorry. Sure.“ I step aside and watch Draco enter my house.

I've missed him so much, I want nothing more than to pick him up, carry him to my bedroom and lock the door.

But I have no idea why he's here. Both of my kids are home.

Maybe he's come to tell me he's getting a divorce.

Or maybe he's about to say that we're not going to see each other ever again.

„Who is it?“ James asks and gets up from the sofa, remote in hand.

Albus follows him, expression positively spiteful.

„That's Draco,“ Albus says before I can answer, apparently happy to know something his brother doesn't. „He's the dad of my best friend.“

„Since when do you have friends?“ James asks dissmissively.

Before Albus can jump him (I can read the signs by now), I say: „Shut it, James.“

He rolls his eyes.

„Hello, James. Nice to meet you.“

James shakes Draco's hand. He's actually pretty well-mannered – except when it comes to his little brother. His auburn hair, way darker and browner than his mother's, is shaggy as always now.

„Well, Draco and I will be in the kitchen.“

I'm halfway trough the door, when James shouts: „Dad, I forgot to tell you something.“

He charges after me. Wistfully, I think back to the time I was fourteen and full of energy.

„What is it?“

„Mom asked me if Albus and I wanted to go on a trip with her.“

„Did she?“

„Yeah. She says she never sees us. Which is true.“

While Albus never lets Ginny forget that she's the one who left us, James likes to put all the blame on me.

„Okay. I mean, sure. When do you want to go? And where to?“

James shrugs. Those questions apparently don't seem very important to him.

„In, like, two weeks? I guess. And, well. You know mom. She probably wants to go hiking or something like that.“

„Sounds nice. I'll talk to her about it.“

James nods and throws Draco another curious glance. „Cool.“

He turns, but I take him by his shoulders. They're not as bony anymore as they used to be. „Jamie?“

„Yeah?“

„Let Al choose a show today.“

James' eyes darken.

„You can decide what we'll watch when he's in bed, okay?“

That puts a smile on my son's face. „For real?“

I nod and smile back. Jesus, I've missed him.

„Okay, deal.“ He trods back to the sofa and Draco smiles at me.

„You want something to drink?“ I ask him on our way into the kitchen.

„Sure. Whatever you're having.“

My heart is pounding as I grab two ice cold sodas.

„James seems like a good kid.“

„He is.“ I hand Draco one of the cans. „Very different from Albus though.“

„I see.“

„James loves Quidditch like his mom. And he keeps getting in trouble like his uncles always did.“

I have to smile at that. Sometimes, I feel like James is more like the Weasley twins than Ginny or me.

„How do they get along? Albus and James?“

I take a swig from my can. The sweetness soothes my nerves just a little bit.

„I mean... they used to be really close. But when Ginny and I broke up, that took a toll on them. Mostly because Al blames Ginny and James blames me. Even though it was mutual.“

„That must be tough for you.“

„I'm okay. It's not like they wouldn't love each other. It's just hard for Albus, seeing his brother go to school and make so many friends, and – well, perform magic.“

Draco nods.

„And it's hard for James to know that Albus gets to see me all day, every day. Because of Albus's condition, Albus often was the center of attention when the two of them were younger. Ginny and I had to figure out how to raise him, what kind of life we wanted to offer him. James wanted him to go to Hogwarts, too. He always said he'd protect him. Take care of him.“

I smile at the memory.

„But that was impossible, of course. Albus can't do magic.“

„You're a good dad, Harry,“ Draco says.

I meet his eyes. „So are you.“

Draco looks at his can. „I try my best.“

„That's what we all do.“

I wait for him to finally say what he came here to tell me.

„Astoria doesn't know,“ he says.

„Really?“

„I'm quite sure.“

„Okay, so... what does that mean? For us?“

Our gazes lock. The air is hot and dry on my skin. Or maybe that's just my skin.

„Well, if you want to... I've heard you'll soon have a week to yourself?“

I grin. „So I've heard, too.“

„Astoria has been wanting to take Scorpius on a little trip through Paris since forever. I could suggest she does it in two weeks.“

„But what about you? Wouldn't you come along?“

„I have to work. She knows that.“

We look at each other.

A whole week. A whole week with Draco.

„I'll count the days,“ I say.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's already it!  
> Thank you all so much for reading. I'll be posting a short epilogue tomorrow.

When Draco comes home to me on Monday evening, it feels like a dream. No kids and no Astoria around. For a week. Draco seems to share my excitement, because he pushes me to the floor, still in his scrubs, and blows me right there. Slow and sweet, until my brain is completely molten and I'm calling out his name. I prop myself up on my elbows and look at him. I'm pretty sure I look exactly like the lovesick idiot I am, but I can't bring myself to care right now.

For one week, I'll pretend this is our life.

„Can I make dinner for you?“

Draco swallows. He's straddling my thighs and looks so incomprehensibly good in his rumpled scrubs and with his messed up hair.

„Later. Right now, I'd like to take a shower. Wait in the bedroom for me?“

I blink at him, stomach clenching in excitement. „Sure.“

Draco takes his sweet time and when he finally emerges from my bathroom in nothing but a towl slung around his narrow hips, I'm fully hard again.

„Come here,“ I say and my voice is wrecked.

He does, without much elegance. Almost falling in his hurry to get to me.

I pull him against my body and run my hands over his naked skin. His hair is still a little damp. I kiss him and then I kiss him again because I never seem to be able to stop.

„Harry?“

„Yes?“

„Do you still want to... If you want to, I would like it if you, um...“

I blink, pulling back a little more to be able to think clearly again and make sense of Draco's stammering.

„What you said before,“ he continues, face pink. „About... you know. Fingering. Would you...?“

„Are you asking me to finger you?“

„Yes.“

„Right now?“

„Yes.“

I kiss him again, pulling his body flush against mine.

„How are you so fucking hot?“ I muse against his neck.

He makes a sound that is so catlike, I can't suppress a grin. I flip us over so that he's beneath me now and kiss along his jaw.

„Kitten,“ I murmur against his skin.

„Stop,“ he says, but I don't miss the twitch in his neithern regions.

For a moment, I pause.

Because I get it now. Astoria never called him that to mock him or tease him.

She did it because she knew he liked it.

For the first time since we're doing this, a pang of guilt shoots through me, so powerful, I almost stop.

Astoria isn't at all the person I first thought she was. That she's a caring mother became clear pretty quickly.

But she cares about Draco, too. She's trying her best to make him happy, even though she probably knows she can't. Not really.

„Is something wrong?“ Draco peers at me out of his silver eyes and I'm melting all over.

I kiss him quickly. „Not at all.“

I summon the bottle of lube from the drawer of my nightstand. Draco flinches a little.

„I won't hurt you,“ I promise.

„I know.“

I kiss both of his cheeks and then his lips before opening the bottle.

„Turn around for me, love.“

He's blushing, but does as he's told.

I run my hand up and down his back, following its lines and curve. He has a beautiful back. Rather narrow, slender and smooth. There are some moles that I have to kiss, every single one. I touch every inch of his upper back first, then move on to his lower back. This might be one of my personal favorites.

When I run my hand over the skin, Draco moans a little.

Slowly, I let my fingers wander lower, following the curve of his ass.

It's not big or overly muscly or even bubbly or anything, but it's the cutest one I've ever seen. The urge to kiss my way up his thighs, higher, licking him there, takes me by surprise. I've never rimmed someone else. I haven't wanted to and no one has done it to me either.

But right now, I really, really want to.

One step at a time though.

„Spread your legs a bit for me, Kitten,“ I say, pressing small kisses to Draco's shoulder.

The part of his face I can see is glowing pink, but he does without hesitation. This view might be even better than the one before. I run my hand up and down a few more times, then finally start circling his entrance.

Draco buries his face in his arms, but lets out a breathy moan.

„Feels good?“

He nods into his arms.

I take my time, petting at the tight ring of muscle and let Draco get used to being touched there.

I kiss the corner of his jaw. „You're so pretty. Even down there.“

I think he bites into his arm to keep still. I coat my index with a fresh layer of lube (you can never have too much) and push it in. I meet some resistance at first and wait.

„Relax, love. I'll make you feel so good, I promise.“

Draco exhales and suddenly, it's easy to slip inside him.

„So good, Kitten.“

I kiss his shoulder blades and start searching for that sweet spot. The moment I find it is made very obvious by the shout Draco lets out. „Oh my God.“

I grin smugly and crook my finger again.

He starts pushing back, panting.

„Harry, please.“

I grin against his back and start moving my finger in and out, making sure to hit that spot over and over again.

Soon, Draco is a pleading mess, clawing at the sheets, calling my name.

It's not that easy, sliding my free hand under his body to start stroking him, but it doesn't matter, because he comes after the second stroke, spilling over my fingers and the sheets, moaning and trembling. I keep kissing his nape, mindlessly, just wanting to be close. My fingers are running over his hips.

„Harry,“ he says and turns in my arm.

The way he looks at me makes my heart skip a beat.

I swallow and gaze into his eyes.

„Get it now?“

He smiles. Then he laughs. He laughs and nods and I think he's crying just a little.

„Yes. Yes, I get it now.“

Living with Draco feels like dreaming with your eyes wide open.

I got to work and then I cook and watch a little TV until he gets home. The moment he does, he jumps me and we have sex.

I'll never be able to look at my sofa or bed or the kitchen table or the floor – or anywhere, really – without thinking about how I have been touching Draco there.  
But no matter how good the sex is and how interesting our conversations turn out to be, the best thing is watching Draco let go. With every day he spends with me, some of the tension he always carries seems to fall from his shoulders.

When we're in bed together, it's not always a matter of life or death anymore. He can say the word Fingering now and he's giving me blow jobs every day. It seems like he actually really enjoys it and I'm not quite sure what I did to deserve having this beautiful man around that loves nothing more than getting on his knees for me.

I always try to give as good as I get, but I can't really imagine that he is as gone for me as I am for him.

And still, when Saturday arrives, the mood starts to shift. I think it's impossible to forget that tomorrow in the evening, we'll both be returning to our real lives.  
I take Draco out for lunch and we both try to keep the mood light, but it doesn't work.

I'm sad and I know that he is, too.

As he comes back to my flat with me for the last time, only to pack his things, I take his hand:

„Draco.“

He looks at me, warily.

„I don't want to hide this. It's – this is important to me. It's not just fucking.“

He freezes. Then he pulls his hand away and his face makes my blood run cold. It's closed off and shuttered.

„You know that's not possible.“

„But why not?“

„Why not? Because I'm bloody married, Potter.“

The lastname hits me. I clench my jaw. „You're married to someone whom you'll never be able to really love. Or give the love they deserve.“

Draco turns away. „I have to think about my son. I won't put Scorpius through a divorce.“

„He'll get over it. My kids did.“

Draco whirls around again, fury in his eyes. „You're kids aren't sick. And your parents won't reject you if you come out as gay.“

„My parents are fucking dead.“ I know it's a stupid response. It's not what this is about. „Draco...“

„I'm leaving.“

He is and I can only stand there and watch him go.

**POV Draco**

„How was your trip?“

Astoria is mad at me, but I don't know why and it puts me on edge.

„Very pleasant,“ she says, not looking at me.

We're cleaning the kitchen together; usually that means catching up on things without having Scorpius listening in.

But today, Astoria is clearly furious with me, for whatever reason. I pray it's not what I so fear it might be.

„Astoria? What is it?“

She turns to me, pretty face made of stone. „I want a divorce.“

I can only stare at her. My blood is slowly freezing. „What? Why is that?“

„You're cheating on me. You're lying to me. I can't believe you're lying to me, Draco.“

I'm paralyzed. „What are you talking about?“

She has her wand drawn and at my throat, her eyes blazing. „Don't, Draco. I swear to Salazar, if you keep up this facade, I will hex you.“

I swallow.

My voice is faint when I ask: „How do you know?“

She rolls her eyes and puts her wand away. „Please, dear. It's obvious. You've always had a thing for Potter. Don't even try to deny it.“

I wish I was stronger, smarter and more empathetic, but the first thing that falls from my lips is: „Please don't tell my parents. Please, Astoria.“

She regards me with a look somewhere between bitter and sad.

„Of course I won't. Do you honestly think I didn't know about you're preferences? I've known since the first time we've slept together. Suspected it even before. But I decided not to care and go through with the marriage, because it was what my family expected of me. And yours, of course. I imagined we'd do our duty and then we could talk about arrangements that would suit both of us. But you clearly don't trust me.“

My head is spinning. „I don't...“

„If you'd just have told me you want to be with Harry, it would have been fine. I kept waiting for you to tell me.“

I can only stare at her. „I can't... be with Harry.“

She snorts. „Then go live happily alone. I'm done being your beard. Not the way you're treating me.“

Our eyes meet and this time, she merely looks sad.

„I thought that we had a connection, Draco. Not a romantic one, obviously, but an affectionate one. I wanted to make you happy. How many times did I suggest we'd invite a man in our bed? Discreetly, of course. Why did you always refuse?“

I swallow thickly. „I can't be gay, Astoria. I'm not. My family...“

„It's not a choice. I thought by now you'd be old enough to understand that. You can only choose to live in misery for the rest of your life or be yourself and accept the consequences.“

I don't know what to say to that. I feel sick, physically, just thinking about the way my parents would react. They'd hate me. I'd disgust them.

„Do you love Harry?“

I close my eyes and grip the counter of the kitchen in a feeble attempt to ground myself somehow.

„I think you do, Draco. And I think your feelings are reciprocated. Don't throw that away for a false life.“

A sudden noise makes us both jump. We exchange a look. Then we both charge for the open door – the open door behind which my son is lying on the floor, lips blue.

Not breathing.

The two days Scorpius spends at St Mungo's not quite alive, not quite dead, are the worst ones of my life. Nothing compares. Not even living under the same roof as Voldemort.

When Scorpius wakes up, I break down crying.

While I want to shower him with love, hold and coddle him, he doesn't even want to talk to me. The moment he turns his head away, refusing to look at me, is the moment my heart breaks.

I thought that I was done making the wrong choices. In fact, for a long time, I felt like I sacrified my whole life for making the right choices. And then, it gave me Scorpius and for the first time, I felt happy. Like it was all worth it.

But somewhere along the way, I must have fallen into old patterns. Because once again, I've made the worst choice possible.

I knew Harry was a bad idea right from the start. I knew it and I tried to fight it and in the end, I was – and always will be, I think – too weak.

Now my son has suffered the consequences and I want to kill myself.

I didn't think it could get any worse, honestly, but it does.

It does when Scorpius tells my parents.

He doesn't do it with an evil intent. Not even really to punish me. But when they ask him what happened, he has to express his anger and confusion and tells them all about what he's heard.

I'm not angry at him because of it – I don't want him to lie for me, to cover up my messes – but it does mean that I lose what little I might have had left before.  
Astoria does what she can, but in the end, it doesn't matter.

My father throws a fit right in St Mungo's and has to be pulled away from me.

My mother cries.

Right after, Astoria sits down next to me.

„Maybe they'll get used to it,“ she says, even though we both know how unlikely it is.

„I don't expect them to.“

„I'm sorry,“ she says and part of me desperately wants to blame her.

But I know that would be wrong. It was my fault. All of it.

She still wants to go through with the divorce and I can't blame her for that, either, even though I wish she would have waited a little longer, so Scorpius could get settled a little more.

The first real conversation I have with my son takes place at our home – which soon won't be Astoria's any longer.

„You cheated on Mom,“ he says out of the blue, while I'm just about to cut my losses and leave his room.

„Yes. I'm very, very sorry for that. It was wrong.“

„Why?“ He stares at me, betrayal written in his childish eyes. Everything inside of me clenches. I can't breathe. „And why with Albus' dad?“

Scorpius looks pained. I've caused my son pain.

„I'm sorry, Scorpius. It will never happen again.“

„Do grandma and grandpa hate you now? They said they want me to live with them.“

I want to comfort Scorpius, but if I don't leave now, he'll see me lose control and I don't want him to watch his dad cry.

He's already suffered on my account so much more than I ever wanted him to.

„I can move out, too, if you'd like,“ I say.

Astoria turns to me. She looks tired, lately. Always tired. „It's your house. Not mine.“

„But it would be better for Scorpius to stay here.“

„It would be better for Scorpius to stay with you.“

I look at her, caught by surpise. „Are you serious? Scorpius hates me right now.“

Astoria sighs and pushes a strand of her long hair behind her ear. „He doesn't hate you, Draco. And I know that he is everything to you. And he... has always been closer to you than he is to me.“

Admitting it seems to sadden her.

„Do you believe my parents could manage to take him from us?“

Astoria snorts. „Certainly not. Your parents have no leverage in this matter at all. We are both perfectly fit to care for Scorpius. Their ancient views don't represent society's.“

She watches me for a moment. Then she comes over and touches my cheek.

„I'm sorry for how things played out. I didn't want that to happen. Not like this, at least.“

„I know. I don't blame you for anything. It was all... it is all on me.“

There is a small furrow between her brows. „Yes, but I hope you understand that it is not your feelings that are wrong. It was your dishonesty. I think you still don't understand that.“

I can't look at her anymore.

She sighs. „I'll continue packing, then.“

Without Astoria, the house seems huge and forlorn. Empty.

I keep my promise and don't see Harry anymore – whenever he drops Albus off at my house, I keep the conversation to the bare minimum. I'm not even really looking at him.

That might be fueled by selfish reasons, though. Looking at him hurts me like little else does.

„Papa?“ Scorpius is standing in the door to my study.

„Yes?“ I put the papers away that I was just looking over.

He crawls into my lap – something he hasn't done in forever, and lately, he doesn't even want me to pet his head.

I wrap my arms around him.

„Is everything alright?“ My voice is just a tiny bit shaky.

„Albus says he's not mad for Harry liking you. He says you can't choose who you like. And if you and Harry like each other, then it's not your fault.“

I hardly dare to breathe. „And what do you think about it, _mon chou_?“

He gives a tiny shrug. „I'm still mad for you hurting Mom. But... I mean, if you and Harry were together, Albus and I would be something like brothers. That would be cool.“

Tears are prickling in my eyes.

„Papa?“

I can only nod.

„Are you gay?“

I close my eyes.

„Yes. Yes, Scorpius. I'm gay.“

Then I break into tears.

My son snakes his skinny, tiny arms around my neck and lets me cry into his shoulder, holding him.

„It's okay. I'm okay with that,“ he says.

It takes me a long time until I'm ready to let him go again.

A long time until I've cried all the tears I've held back for so long.

The next time Harry brings Albus over, he walks into a full-blown fight between my parents and I.

„You're a disgrace to the family!“ my father shouts and Harry's and Albus' jaws both drop.

Lucius Malfoy has reached the level of anger at which it's impossible to talk him down.

That Harry witnesses this is embarrassing. But Scorpius witnessing it is something I can't bear. I push him behind me and he's clinging to the sleeve of my shirt.

„Father, please. Not -“

„I can't believe you're still seeing him. With your son in the house?“

My father's blazing eyes momentarily dart to Harry, then back at me. „You pathetic, cocksucking, faggot excuse for a Malfoy!“

This is screamed at full volume and Scorpius flinches so hard that his knee bumps against my leg.

„Not in front of Scorpius,“ I say, but naturally, my father doesn't care.

„Leave, or I'm calling the Aurors,“ Harry growls.

„Oh, I'm leaving. But my grandson is coming with me. You will not defile him with your filthy sins, Draco.“

My father makes one step toward us and I draw my wand.

It's like everything freezes. No one moves.

„Leave,“ I say, my voice steady, despite my racing heart.

„You wouldn't,“ my father taunts me and I lift my wand higher.

„Scorpius stays with me. And you will leave right now.“

I can feel Harry step up next to me, wand drawn as well.

„What has become of you?“

My father is looking at me with so much disgust in his eyes, it makes my knees go weak. But I won't back down.

This is about my son.

„Lucius.“

My mother places a trembling hand on my father's arm. Scorpius is still clutching my clothes as if he's afraid I might vanish into thin air if he lets go.

I watch my parents go. Only when the door falls shut behind them, I drop my wand.

Scorpius is looking up at me with huge eyes.

„I'm so sorry you had to see that.“

He takes my hand. „You never told me he is like that.“

There my son goes again, breaking my heart like it's nothing.

„He just has some... very predjudiced ways of thinking.“

„He's hurting you.“

At first, I don't recognize the expression on Scorpius' face. It's one I don't think I have seen before.

„Honey...“ I don't know what to say. Scorpius's eyes are blazing, almost like my father's just were, and now I recognize his expression for what it is.

Protectiveness.

He wants to protect me.

„This isn't about you, Scorpius. The differences my father and I have don't have anything to do with you.“

Scorpius looks down. That's when Albus takes a step forward. Harry's son looks into my face and says: „Sorry your dad is such an asshole. He's just stupid.“

He looks at Harry for confirmation.

Harry smiles at him.

„Can we go play now?“

That's Scorpius.

„Sure. Just -“

„Take care, yeah. We will.“

Albus rolls his eyes, his sympathy for me apparently already forgotten and then he drags Scorpius away from me.

I take a moment to compose myself before I face Harry.

„Hi,“ I say, stupidly, I'm aware.

„Hi.“

Oh Merlin, I've missed him. My whole body aches, wanting to rush over. Wanting to touch.

„I'm sorry about that.“

Harry frowns, just a little. „It was hardly your fault.“

„Well, depends how you look at it.“

Something in Harry's gaze softens until it's so tender that it takes my breath away. „Draco.“

„Harry.“

„How are you? Really? How bad is it, are you...?“

He trails off, fidgeting. It's like he can't find the words to say what he's feeling. My heart is hammering again and I swallow. „It's... getting better.“

„Good. That's good.“

We look at each other. I'm drowning in his gaze and now I remember why exactly I got myself in this mess.

Because I can never resist Harry. There is just something about him that brings me to my knees.

He doesn't even have to try.

„You just cut me off.“ Hurt is resonating in his voice.

„I'm sorry about that. But it was just too much. At the time.“

„I've heard you're getting a divorce?“

I might be mistaken, but I think I can hear carefully concealed traces of hope in his voice.

„I am. Astoria wanted one. She knows.“

„About...“

„About us. Me, really.“

I look down at my hands.

„I never wanted to hurt you,“ he says.

„I know. It was all me. My fault. My mistake.“

„Was it a mistake to you?“

My eyes find his. „Well... how it came out definitely was. I should have talked to Astoria. But I wasn't brave enough to.“

„I think I understand why now. Your father is horrible. I mean, I knew that before, but I wasn't aware that he was so awful to you, too.“

I shrug weakly. „He thinks I'm living a life of sin now.“

The ghost of a smile plays around Harry's lips.

„We're all sinners, Draco.“

The sound of my name sends a pleasant shiver down my spine.

„Did you mean it?“ I ask.

„Mean what?“

I bite my lip, then keep going.

„When you said you'd... care about me. That it was more than just sex. Did you mean that?“

„I meant it.“ There is a pause. „I still do.“

The air is charged, electricity running over my arms.

„But I don't want to hide anymore. No sneaking around,“ he says.

„I don't want that either.“

„Good. Then... can I take you out?“

„Like, for a date?“

Harry smiles.

Sweet Merlin, I've missed this smile so much.

„Like a date, yeah. If you want that.“

„I do. I really do.“

I wake the morning of our date to rain drumming against the windows and sigh internally.

After a quick breakfast with Scorpius, mostly consisting of croissants, jam and the giddiness of my son at the prospect of being spoiled by the Greengrasses for a whole weekend, Astoria stops by to pick him up.

We exchange pleasantries and even though the overly polite conversation stings, it does give me hope for the future. Perhaps, one day, Astoria can forgive me for what I've done.

She is already more understanding than most would be.

„I'll bring him back to you Monday before work, alright?“ Astoria says.

„Sounds perfect.“

„Have fun, _mon chou_. I'll see you in two days?“

Scorpius smiles at me and follows his mother into the rain.

By three in the afternoon, the rain hasn't stopped and I've chugged five cups of coffee in the rather foolish attempt to calm my nerves.

„I hope you still want to go out despite the weather,“ is the first thing Harry says to me as I open the door for him, my heart slamming in my chest like a caged animal, trying to break free.

„Certainly. I don't mind getting a little wet.“

Harry crooks a smile at me and I wonder if this has been such a good idea afterall.

Despite already sharing some of the most intimate moments of my life with the man standing before me, right now, his glasses littered with droplets of rain, messy hair slightly damp and green eyes brighter than the sun, I feel... inadequate. Inept. Unable to handle the raging storm of emotions whirling through my body.

„Shall we, then?“ He extends his arm for me and I take it, a buzz of excitement pulsing through me.

„Where are we headed?“ He smiles mysteriously. „I had two ideas, actually. But the first one might have been ruled out.“

„Because of the rain?“

„Yes.“

„Then what about today, I take you out. And we'll get back to your initial idea another time?“

Harry lifts his brows. „If you like.“

Now he looks curious – almost childlike in his excitement. My heart is still pounding too fast, but I manage a smile.

„I would. I want to... I feel like it's my turn now.“

By the look crossing his face, Harry understands what I mean.

„Lead the way.“

„I can't believe your idea of taking me out is taking me to fucking Paris.“

Harry's mouth hasn't closed in the past five minutes and I can only smile proudly.

„It has always been one of my very favorite cities in the world. And I think I recall you saying you've never been, so I thought...“

Harry beams at me, putting his hands on my shoulders. „I haven't been _anywhere_ , Draco. This is... huge.“

My heart constricts, as if going for an inrun before jumping right at him. „I'm glad. Shall I show you around?“

Harry intertwines his fingers with mine and we're both smiling like we've just become fathers.

I start with some of the obvious highlights – the Eiffeltower, the Arc de Triomphe and Place de la Concorde.

Harry takes it all in with the excitement and awe of a little kid. Seeing the wonder on his face makes it all the brighter for me, too, even though I've been to Paris countless times, even lived here for a couple months.

„Let's get crepes,“ my overenthusiastic companion declares and drags me to one of those overpriced kiosks that only exist to rip off the tourists.

I don't complain though and we get heavenly smelling crepes in paper bags, chocolate sauce dripping all over Harry's fingers in no time.

„You barbarian,“ I say and wrinkle my nose as Harry gets chocolate sauce all over his face.

„Oh, yeah?“

Before I know what's happening, he has pulled me in and kissed me on the mouth. Right there, in the middle of Paris, mouth tasting like chocolate and his chin sticky.

„You don't seem to mind,“ he says, smiling.

„Looks like I might have a thing for barbarians.“

Harry crooks a smile and kisses me again. „But only if it's me, right?“

„Yes. Only if it's you,“ I readily agree and we kiss a little more, Harry's lips moving with mine in an unhurried pace.

It's as if we had all the time in the world and maybe we actually do.

Before we head home with the next portkey, I show Harry my favorite café. We order some salty pastries and coffee, which Harry declares is the best one he's ever had.

„Why did you say you haven't travelled much so far?“ I ask him after we've finished our pastries.

Harry shrugs. „Because I haven't. My relatives never took me with them when I was a kid and then... I don't know. I think I kind of rushed into marriage because it's what I thought would be the best way to move on. Looking back, I think I would have waited a little longer.“

„Were you in love with Weasley?“

Harry gives me an assessing look.

But I'm too curious to back down.

„I think I loved her. I'm not sure I have ever truly fancied her. She certainly never fancied me.“

I nod slowly, not quite able to understand how anyone could not fancy Harry.

„Can I ask you a question?“

„Sure,“ I say.

„Did you take me here because you didn't want anyone we know to see us together?“

While I've planned this trip, I never once thought that Harry might interpret it that way.

„No, that wasn't the reason. I think I wanted to... show you a part of me. One you didn't know yet. And Paris was the prettiest one I could think of.“

The smile on Harry's face makes me ache.

He reaches over the table and takes my hand. „Then thank you, Draco. This is wonderful. No one has ever done something like that for me.“

Something unfamiliar and powerful is surging through me. It's something I have felt only toward Scorpius up until now, and even that was a tiny bit different.

„I'll take you anywhere you like if you want me to, Harry. I could show you all the most beautiful places in the world.“

I hope he can hear the sincerity in my voice.

„That sounds awesome.“

We share a moment of silence, then I ask hesitantly: „We don't necessarily have to go back to England tonight.“

A spark of interest ignites in Harry's eyes.

„What do you suggest we'd be doing instead?“

The hotel I pick for us is too expensive, but I don't care.

I'm here with Harry and I have plans for the night and no expense seems like too much.

„I hope you don't expect all of our vacations to be that fancy,“ Harry says, gaze wandering over the thick carpets and dimmed lamps of the suite I rented for the night.

„Of course not. Only about half of them.“

Harry grins and as I'm trying to think about how to ge closer and make my intentions clear, I'm pulled in and kissed breathless.

„Fuck, I've wanted to do that all day.“

Harry's finger tug at my shirt, pull it out of my waistband, so that he can slip his hands underneath, touch my heated skin.

„Me too,“ I sigh and thread my hands through his messy hair.

My whole body feels on fire, flames licking over my skin. The heat makes my head fuzzy, but without so many thoughts distracting me, my desire is pure and raw and primal.

„I want you, Harry.“

„I want you too.“

He seems so gone already, kissing me with desperation. I turn my head slightly, giving him access to my throat.

„What do you want?“ he asks me, nipping at my skin, lips parted, his tongue shockingly warm.

I can't say it, at first.

Years, decades, of shame and self-loathing, of angry words and harsh hands flare up once again, pinning me down.

I kiss Harry again, mouths open, panting already. My fingers work his flys open and I drop to my knees in front of him. It's the sweetest kind of surrender. He runs his fingers over my face, tilting it up.

„I've missed this,“ he whispers and I take him in my mouth.

The groans that escape his throat, his hands in my hair and the trembling of his thighs has me moaning.

„God, Kitten. You're so good.“

I close my eyes and feel the heat pulsing through my body, the liquid desire pooling in my belly. He comes shouting my name and I get up, knees hurting, head spinning.

I'm so hard that it hurts.

„Come here.“

Harry pulls me into his arms and then he lifts me up like it was nothing. My legs wrap around his waist intuitively and nothing has ever felt so right. He walks us to the bed, almost tripping when I kiss him. He puts me down on the soft sheets, crawls between my legs and pushes me flat on my back. His fingers lock with mine, his hands pinning my arms next to my head. I can barely breathe, looking up at him like that.

„You look like an angel, do you know that?“

„And you look eager,“ I manage to say. „Ready to come a second time?“

„With you?“ He bends down and kisses me. „Always.“

I moan and we kiss until I can't take it anymore.

Until the words come easily.

„I want you inside me.“

Harry's whole body reacts – a shiver going through it. A sigh. His hands tighten in mine.

„Are you sure?“ His eyes are searching mine.

„Yes.“

He kisses me again and simultaniously starts unbuttonening my shirt, helping me up, slipping it down my shoulders. He knows my body quite well by now, yet he's touching every inch of me, as if tuning an instrument. That's what I feel like, at least.

When we're both naked, anxiety is making itself known, but I push it down. It doesn't stand a chance against the want radiating off my skin. I spread my legs for him and he summons lube, trickling down his fingers. I moan the moment he slips his hand between my legs, finger stroking over my entrance.

„I love how much you like this,“ he murmurs into my ear, slipping his finger inside.

A small part of me is embarrassed, but I yearn for this too much to really care.

„I know it feels good, but I don't think I'm able to get half as much pleasure out of it as you do.“

His finger finds that spot inside me and I arch my back, nails digging into his back.

„You're amazing,“ he says, looking at me with the same wonder he's had in his eyes when he first looked at the Eiffeltower.

It doesn't take long until I'm begging him for more, begging him to do it harder. He's panting and I make keening sounds that he keeps swallowing with his open mouthed kisses.

„I think you're ready, love. Do you feel ready?“

His glorious green eyes find my own and I nod.

I want this. I've wanted it, deep down, since I learned what wanting means, but never like this.

Never so fully. So unapologetically.

„Have me, Harry.“

He groans and puts my legs over his shoulder.

„Tell me if it hurts.“

My heart is hammering in my chest, the blood thrumming in my ears. As he slowly pushes in, my world narrows to nothing but breaths and skin and the burn of the stretch.

I didn't expect it to feel so different from his fingers, but it does. I can't help but clench, my body not knowing what to do with the intrusion, even though I want it.  
Harry stops, looking into my eyes.

„Breathe, love.“

I do and he kisses the corner of my mouth, then says:

„I'll make it so good for you. You'll love it.“

I breathe and he starts pushing again. The burn is almost too much to bear, yet I don't want him to stop.

„Fuck, you're so tight.“

He looks at me like I'm some kind of miracle – like I'd be the only one who has ever made him feel that way.

He waits for me, trembling with want, and I can feel my body adjust. It's amazing what it can do, how it accomodates for Harry inside me.

„Fuck me,“ I say against his lips and he starts moving.

He's slow at first and my eyes are prickling with tears, because it does hurt. I can't breathe, the intimacy of it all pulling me under, but physically, it just really fucking hurts.

Harry takes hold of one of my legs, bending me even further and leans back just a little. His next thrust hits the spot dead on and I see stars.

„Harry,“ I call, almost quietly, my mouth hanging open.

He does it again and the pain fades, replaced by raw, primal need.

Pleasure is singing in my veins and I need more, closer, harder.

„Please, Harry. Oh God. Fuck me, please, please...“

I think he's grinning and he ups his pace, making me moan and babble helplessly, clutching to him. This is better, more than I expected. It's everything.

„Look at you.“ Harry leans down, lips ghosting over my jaw.

My climax catches me completely off-guard. The heat steadily building inside me reaches its peak and I'm coming all over our stomachs.

„Fuck, fuck, fuck...“ Harry pants, slamming into me like he'd lost his mind, and seconds later, he follows me over the edge, collapsing on top of me.

„Jesus, Draco.“

Carefully, he pulls out, but I still wince.

I look at him. Trace the shape of his strong nose, the softness of his lips.

„Tell me we can do this every day from now on,“ I say.

It was meant to come out lightly, almost jokingly – just an appreciation of the shared experience. Instead, it sounds needy and endlessly vulnerable.

Harry smiles so widely that my exhausted heart speads up once again.

„Anything you like, Kitten. You can have anything you want from me.“

I manage a smug smile, before I break into a huge yawn.

Harry laughs. „Okay, okay. You're tired, I get it.“

I kiss the tip of his nose.

„Sleep with me?“

Somehow, I still think he might leave any moment.

He snakes a strong arm around my waist and pulls me close.

„Good luck trying to keep me away.“


	4. Epilogue

The day of James's graduation is a big day for all of us, which might be the reason why everyone is a little high-strung.  
„Albus, stop playing and come on down! We're leaving.“  
Albus stomps into the kitchen, all righteous anger at the world as his teenaged being demands.  
„Scorp isn't ready yet either,“ he says.  
„Scorpius!“ I more or less scream, hoping my stepson will hear me upstairs.  
„Why so loud, Harry?“  
He's trodding down the stairs, raising one eyebrow at me like his dad loves to do.  
„Are you ready to go?“ I ask.  
„I've been ready thirty minutes ago. It's dad who needs, like, four hours to get ready.“  
Draco storms into the kitchen, Lily in his arms.  
„That might be because I, unlike you, had to change diapers and wrestle your sister into some pretty clothes, for a change.“  
Scorpius rolls his eyes and walks up to him, taking Lily into his own arms.  
He's still a little shorter than Draco, while Al threatens to soon outgrow all of us.  
„So everyone's ready now?“ I make sure, nervously tugging on my tie.  
„Yes, dad.“  
Albus gives me a look that tells me I'm being an embarrassing old man again. At thirty-seven.  
Well - I guess that's almost forty. So my son might be right. I am getting a little old.  
„Hands on the portkey,“ Draco says, rightening his own tie.  
„On the count of three.“  
Albus rolls his eyes and Scorpius croons something into Lily's ear to calm her – she has yet to find any joy in the strange feeling of being hooked at the navel and ripped through time and space.  
We land on Hogwarts grounds and a pang of familiarity temporarily takes my breath away.  
It's been a while since I've last visited Hogwarts and I don't think I've ever truly stopped missing it.  
Aferall, it has been my first home.  
The grounds are buzzing with life, the festivities already beginning.  
I scan the crowd for familiar faces.  
„Harry!“  
Ron and Hermoine are walking up to us, both smiling widely.  
They're not here for Rose, as she still has two years to go, but Percy's daughter Janey is graduating this year, as well as Neville's and Hannah's son Hayden. And James, of course.  
„So good to see you, mate. How's little Lily?“  
Ron grins at us and the lines around his mouth are not to oversee.  
We're real adults now – watching our kids graduate. I still find it almost too crazy to believe.  
„She's quite well,“ Draco says, taking his daughter from Scorpius arms again.  
„Finally got rid of the diapers?“  
Draco's mouth curls.  
„We're still working on it. Aren't we, cherié?“  
„And are you speaking yet, honey?“ Hermoine asks, petting Lily's soft hair.  
It is still blond, but already a lot darker than when she was younger. Draco says she'll probably end up with a light brown – the perfect mixture of Draco and I.  
Lily regards her with her big eyes.  
„Not yet,“ I say.  
„She says Papa though,“ Draco says, more than smugly.  
I throw him a sour glance.  
„She said dad too.“  
„No, she didn't. She said da da da, which she always does. For no apparent reason.“  
Draco sticks his tongue out at me.  
Scorpius snickers at my gloomy expression.  
„And to think I've been the one taking a whole year off to coddle her while you were working ten hours a day,“ I complain.  
Albus shrugs.  
„Draco's just a natural, dad. Deal with it.“  
Ron laughs.  
„Ouch.“  
I roll my eyes.  
„Whatever. Let's find my son, why don't we?“

It takes us a good twenty minutes to finally get a hold of James.  
My oldest clearly comes after his mother – he's more popular with the girls (and a fair share of boys, too) than is good for him.  
Today, my heart clenches as I lay eyes on him.  
He looks so grown up – tall and confident and happy.   
At the same time, I see the little boy that sat on my lap and didn't want to fall asleep unless his mom was in the room with him, so clearly, it has tears prickling in me eyes.  
„Dad!“  
James grins widely and comes over to hug me.  
„Hey, Draco.“  
„Nice to see you, James. Crongratulations.“  
James is the only one who has still not quite gotten used to my relationship with Draco.  
Maybe it's because he's older than Albus, maybe because he doesn't know Draco as well as all of my other loved ones now do or maybe it is simply because he's very protective of Ginny, but James has never really taken Draco into his heart.  
„Where's mom?“ he asks me.  
„I'm sure she'll be here soon.“  
James' hurt expression stings, makes my heart clench.  
I know that James misses Ginny. And I also know that Ginny, despite loving both of her boys very much, doesn't make as much time for them as she should.  
She wasn't really cut out to be a mother to begin with and that is not a bad thing, in itself – but it is if you only realize it after already having kids.  
„She's very excited to see you, honey,“ I say. „You're basically all we've talked about last time we saw each other.“  
James nods, putting on a smile.  
„How's my baby sister?“  
To my great relief, none of James's caveats regarding Draco have translated into his relationship with Lily.  
„She's great. Scorp and Draco took her to a ballet class last week and it seems like she's found her calling,“ Al says.  
James just raises his brows.  
„I doubt that. She's a fighter like her brother. Aren't you, Lil?“  
He takes her from Draco's arm and Lily grabs at his face, which makes James laugh.  
„Can't she be a dancer and a fighter too?“ Albus says, already pissed off with his brother.  
I put a hand on his shoulder.  
Before James can respond to that, Ginny and Luna arrive, both smiling widely.  
„Jamie!“  
Ginny grins and James' face lights up as she hugs him tightly.  
„You made it,“ he says and I try my very, very best not to be slightly put out.  
Draco catches my gaze and gives me a smile.  
I reach out and squeeze his hand.  
„Of course I did. It's your graduation, afterall.“  
Ginny kisses his cheek and then turns to the rest of us, starting with Ron and Hermoine.  
When she looks at me, only the faintest trace of reservation is still written on her face.  
„Hey, Harry. Nice to see you again.“  
We hug and then she goes hugging Draco as well.  
She didn't approve when Draco and I decided to move in together. She had her reservations regarding Albus living with a former Death Eater and to this day, she doesn't like Draco very much.  
But in the end, Luna explained to her that it wasn't her choice and Draco had changed and if she kept on bitching about it, Albus probably wouldn't want to see her anymore at all.  
That settled it.  
„Shall we get seats?“ Draco asks and we all agree and start our search for the best spot to watch our kids taking their first step into adulthood.  
„Are you excited?“  
Draco watches me, our fingers locked.  
Across from us, Al and Scorpius are whispering, Lily on Al's lap, half-asleep from the looks of it.  
„Very. And a little sad.“  
Draco nods and squeezes my hand. Then presses a kiss to my cheek.  
I smile at him.

The ceremony goes by in the blink of an eye and at the end of it, I'm all teared up and applauding like a mad man.  
As soon as I get a hold of James, I hug him tightly and tell him over and over again how proud I am, until he loses his patience and takes off again.  
We spend the afternoon at Hogwarts and I find how much I've missed being around all of my friends. It's been a while. Especially since we have Lily, my family has been more or less all I was busy with.  
„What about you, Al?“ Ron asks my son, already a little tipsy. „When are you graduating?“  
„I'm starting sophomore year after summer break.“  
„And that means?“  
Ron really tries, but has his difficulties getting the hang of the muggle school system.  
„Three more years,“ Al says.  
„Do you already have an idea what you might want to be doing afterwards?“ Hermoine asks, tearing her eyes away from Rose talking to a girl I don't know.  
„Not really.“  
Al hesitates.  
Draco smile at him.  
„He's very good at chemics.“  
He casts me a glance.  
„I wonder where he gets it from. Certainly not from Harry. He's always been shit at potions.“  
„Ginny was too,“ I assure him.  
„Must be you then,“ Albus says to Draco and my boyfriend blushes a lovely shade of pink.  
Before Hermoine can ask him another question, Albus spots someone and says: „I'll go over there for a sec.“  
He's gone before I can even say anything.  
Scorpius stares at the wooden table. I know the hard set around his mouth. It's the same look Draco sports when he's upset about something.  
I scoot over on the bench until I'm sitting right next to him.  
„You alright there?“  
„Sure,“ he says.  
I wait.  
„Al's always out lately. I've lost track of all the girls' names he keeps rambling on about.“  
Draco and I exchange a meaningful look.  
We've talked about this before.  
While Albus is starting to make his first clumsy steps in trying to charm muggle girls and going to birthday parties that don't start at three PM anymore, Scorpius' life hasn't really changed that much. He's still being homeschooled and has to spend a night at St. Mungo's from time to time.  
Neither Draco nor I have missed that Albus's new habits are bothering Scorpius.  
We're just not sure yet in what way exactly.  
I think we're both hoping that it's just the fact that Scorpius knows he'll never be able to have a life quite like that or that it's, naturally, always an adjustment when dear friends start spending more and more time with other people.  
If it's something more though, Draco and I will have to talk about how we'll best deal with that.  
Not today though.  
„Why don't I take Lily, dear, and you go with Albus? Or Rose. I'm sure she'd be glad to show you around the castle,“ Hermoine says.  
Scorpius hesitates.  
„Great idea,“ I chime in and lightly clap Scorpius' shoulder.  
„Go ahead,“ Draco says, a small smile on his face.  
„Okay, sure.“  
We all watch Scorpius go, catching up to Al, who's engaged with a group of laughing people.  
I know that Draco's heart hurts seeing his son so timid – so unsure if he's welcome.  
When Albus notices Scorpius slinking up next to him, he extends an arm and pulls him close, into the circle of people he's just met and that are already enchanted with him.  
My heart swells with pride.  
„I thank Merlin for Albus every day,“ Draco says earnestly, watching our sons.  
I look at him.  
„I thank Merlin for all of you.“  
That makes him smile and we kiss – a chaste kiss, so no children will be disturbed.  
„So, guys. When's the wedding? I'm starting to get tired of waiting.“  
Ron grins at us.  
Draco and I exchange a look. His cheeks are pink again.  
„We'll see, Ron,“ I say, starting to grin myself.   
Draco arches one brow.  
„Will we?“  
I smile at him.  
„Don't we always?“

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> Comments and Kudos are highly appreciated - I'd love to know what you think.


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